5/6 Return of the Living Dead 4 & 5

Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis

"I can't shoot her! She's my friend! I lost my virginity to her."

IMDB.com Rating: 3.2 out of 10

Availability: Still in print and cheap.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxnZQgO-sxo

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8CHZ0N57h8
OH SHIT! Moment: A security guard's head gets ripped clean off, while his security guard-counterpart is pulled in half at the waist.

Beverage: Brain Hemorrhage

Ingredients:

 1 oz. Peach Schnapps

1 tsp. Bailey’s Irish Cream
2 drops Grenadine

Method:

Pour Peach Schnapps into a shot glass. Slowly add the Bailey’s Irish Cream and top with grenadine. The Irish Cream will curdle, resulting in a shot that appears to be a bloody, brainy mess. Enjoy!

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There's a whole mess of reanimated corpses in the sequel that made did for the ocean what 'Jaws' did for zombies. Nothing. Tonight's movies are 'Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis' and 'Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave'.

Like most movies nerds, when I read they were resurrecting the 'Return of the Living Dead' franchise, I got excited. I'm one of the few who love sequels; especially when they're straight-to-video or made-for-t.v. I guess that's the difference between being a nerd and being a snob. The cheaper they are, the better they are -- most of the time. Let's put it out there right now. These two movies are terrible. . .

. . .but I like them. There. I said it. 'Return of the Living Dead 4' is far from a perfect movie. It might seem like 'ROTLD 4' offers little to the movie-goer; but it's kinda a throwback to the cheap horror and sci-fi that made Friday nights fun. It's amazing how a poor script, pedestrian acting and bad stereotypes can be forgiven with a few awesomely gruesome effects -- strictly my opinion, of course -- and 'Necropolis' does it wonderfully.

I wouldn't say I'm a gore-hound, but I enjoy when a bad movie can offer up some fun tricks. In the end, all I want to be is entertained; and this entertains me. 

The film begins in Chernobyl with our antagonist, Charles Garrison, purchasing canisters of Trioxin; the substance that reanimates the dead. Charles, who works for a company called Hydra Tech, is experimenting with the Trioxin. He's also the uncle of our protagonist, Julian. Hmm, could that be the basis of the film's plot..? After one of Julian's jackass friends, Zeke, hurts himself on a bike; the ambulance takes him to Hydra Tech for zombie-testing, rather than the hospital. Thanks, Obamacare. . . Julian and the gang hop in the Mystery Machine and drive to Hydra Tech to find Zeke. Instead, they find the dark underbelly of the suburbs -- Hydra Tech is making zombies of mass destruction for deployment in war. Meanwhile, a gas leak turns two homeless guys and their dinner - a cooked rat on a spike -- into zombies, but they kinda make it an irrelevant plot point. From here, it's your basic story -- boy finds out uncle is evil scientist, zombie outbreak occurs, most of boy's friends and younger brother dies, boys long-dead parents come back to life as super-zombies made by for the military, army comes in and cleans up the living dead -- so, you're basic story.

Next up on the night, 'Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave'. Let's be honest, these movies may as well not have the 'Return of the Living Dead' name, because there's very little which connects them to the original trilogy, other than the Trioxin, and a brief appearance from the Tarman.

IMDB.com Rating: 3.2 out of 10

Availability: Still in print and cheap.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsfCeyW1Cns

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJVtLKGdtQI
OH SHIT! Moment: Whilst zombie-Becky performs the act of road fellatio, she zombies-out and -- how to put this diplomatically -- she takes a little bit of his manhood, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. 

Beverage: A Bloody Brain Shooter

Ingredients:

1 1/4 oz. strawberry vodka such as Stoli 
1/8 oz. Rose's lime juice 
3/4 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream 
splash of grenadine

Method:

Chill vodka for better smoothness. Add vodka and lime juice to a shaker; shake, then strain into a shot glass. Using a straw, dip some Bailey's Irish Cream into the shot. Once you submerge the straw into the Bailey's, put your finger on top of the straw to hold the Bailey's in the straw. Dip the straw tip into the vodka and slowly release your top finger. The Bailey's will curdle a little bit due to the lime juice and you should be able to make strands of Bailey's.

Repeat the straw/Bailey's process to build a "brain" in the shot glass. Add a splash of grenadine to the concoction to add the "blood" to the mix. Down the hatch as a shot.

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So, 'Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave'. Again, this wasn't met with critical acclaim, but again, that doesn't mean I don't find it enjoyable. The film opens in with the evil uncle selling the cans of Trioxin. After a deadly case of negligence, everyone at the meeting dies except two Russian government officials. It's now up to them to track down the rest of the Trioxin, which is hiding in a secret room in Julian's attic. Unfortunately for them, Julian -- who's lived with the Trioxin canisters in his uncle's house for years without realizing it -- realizes there's Trioxin in the house and begins to make drugs out of it. They call it, "Z"; and everyone wants it. It has the feels of speed, ecstasy and a whole bunch of other shit which culminates in the grand finale -- death and the eventual rebirth as a zombie. You see, kids; drugs ARE bad. . .

But while everyone is tripping balls to their grave, Julian and his friends decide to have a massive party -- or a rave. . . And being it's Halloween, they want it Halloween-themed. See where the title comes in yet? I know, it's clever. Aldo and Gino, the two Russians, trace the Trioxin back to Julian's house and realize what's going on. Despite the zombie outbreak from a year prior, Julian and his friends don't notice anything odd about a bunch of zombies shambling around and just assume they're on drugs. The Russians call the military and kill everyone. End. Of. Movie.

 FOR BOTH MOVIES. On my scale:

Overall Enjoyment ----12
Redeeming Qualities---13
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects----7
Directing/Quality------2
Plot/Pacing-------------4
Dialogue/Acting-------2
Gratuitous Killing & the Tarman-10
TOTAL---------------57

If nothing else, you can say the director gave this the ol' college try. . .because they film takes place at college. See what I did there? You know what you're getting yourself into when you watch these. Don't expect anything great. If it helps, watch these without thinking they are part of the 'Living Dead' films. Think of them as though they are a separate series of films. It might help with the enjoyment. And try and find the humor. These are movies which should be made fun of. Just because they're bad doesn't mean you can't enjoy them. Worth every penny. *2* stars.

5/5 'Tenebre'

TENEBRE

"Tenebre is about human perversion and its affect on society."

IMDB.com Rating: 7.2 out of 10

Availability: In print, and usually pretty pricey.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2pKtQ4mLHk

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn_1eqMrVKs

OH SHIT! Moment: Veronica Lario getting her arm chopped off unexpectedly. 

Beverage: A Red Death and Rogue Dead Guy Ale

Ingredients:

1/2 oz vodka

1/2 oz Southern Comfort® peach liqueur

1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur

1/2 oz triple sec

1/2 oz sloe gin

1/2 oz lime juice

orange juice

Method:

Pour all ingredients (except orange juice) into an ice-filled Collins glass. Fill with orange juice, and serve.

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Everyone in horror knows of Dario Argento. He is a cinematic master -- the Hitchcock of Italy (although there's a few director's with that very moniker). As a director and writer, he's brilliant; and he shows off both skills with tonight's picture. In case you're too stupid to have read the title of this publication, tonight's film review is 'Tenebre'. . .

. . .Or 'Tenebrae'. It's whatever. Both spellings are applicable; but regardless of how you spell it, it's the name of the movie we're going to watch tonight.

Shortly after the release of his newest violent murder/mystery, 'Tenebrae', Anthony Franciosa's Peter Neal finds himself in Rome for a promotional tour with his literary agent, Bullmer (played by horror regular, John Saxon) and his adoring assistant, Anne (played by Argento-favorite, Daria Nicolodi). His violent writings, tremendously popular in Europe, have made him very popular. Shortly before his arrival, a young woman is murdered by the very weapon his fictional killer uses in the titular novel, with pages from the book jammed in her mouth; and although he's not a suspect (since he was on the plane when she was killed), a police investigator, Detective Giermani, wants to talk to him for any ideas or clues as to who committed this heinous crime. With his traveling bag destroyed by someone and an envelope mysteriously finding its way under the door of his hotel room with information about the killing, the feeling of tension and unease begin to build quickly. At the same time, Neal becomes aware he is being followed by his embittered ex-wife, Jane. 

A second and third murder happens to someone Peter associates with, becoming clear he's being stalked by the killer. After another killing -- one which doesn't seem to be in the same manner as the rest -- Peter begins to put together the pieces of the puzzle.

In between all of these scenes, we are shown themes of sexuality, and vision impairment. We see flashbacks from a shadowy figure. We never see who's having the flashbacks, but it's to assume it's the killer. There's scenes of abuse and dark sexuality. Eventually they become memories of murder. Drug use, medicine for the sick-of-mind act as a backdrop for these flashbacks.  

There's a moment in passing which plays into Peter's character. While cooperating with the investigator, Detective Giermani tells him he figured out the killer on page 30 of his book. It's purely subtext, but this is something which probably doesn't sit well with Neal. I imagine it made him feel like he were losing his edge. Ego-driven, wanting to solve the crime himself rather than alert the police, Neal and a young assistant go to the house of his suspected killer. A moment of confusion passes and the suspected murderer is killed with an axe to the head. The only problem is there's still a lot of film left. This raises questions of who the killer really is. The one lead Argento gives us is brutally murdered in the middle of the second act.

The next day, Neal meets with Detective Giermani at the scene of the crime. Peter quotes Sir Arthur Doyle's 'The Hounds of Baskerville', saying, "Once you rule out the impossible, whatever remains—however improbable—must be true". Someone who's alive should be dead, or someone who's dead should be alive. Soon, Bullmer gets stabbed to death in broad daylight; and Neal's young assistant, Gianni, is strangled. For safety's sake, Detective Giermani suggests Neal to take a plane back to New York and Peter obliges. This makes for a brutal ending and a huge reveal in the horrifically demented ending.


On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----17
Redeeming Qualities---15
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects----7
Directing/Quality------8
Plot/Storyline----------9
Pacing-----------------9
Dialogue/Acting-------7
TOTAL---------------79

Most fans think 'Suspiria' is Argento's best; and while I disagree, I will say 'Suspiria' is probably my favorite of his, but not his best work. That's not to take anything away from it, since 'Suspiria' is a masterpiece, but 'Tenebre' is one of the best giallos ever. This movie is a mindfuck. It has different cases of vision impairment. Some are for the audience, to keep a level of mystery; and some are for the actors, so they can't see the face of the killer. What's uncertain is how much of this film is premeditated or impulse and circumstance. Some scenes play out like it's a preconceived plan, and some feel like decisions made in the moment. It aids with the helpless sense Argento wants his viewers to have. This is extremely well-written and well-directed. The camera angles and scenes influenced some of the greats, like Brian DePalma and his film, 'The Untouchables'. This is a fantastic film, and just as good the second and third time around. It all culminates in a terrifying ending. 'Tenebre' is a frightening look at human perversion. Best of 1982. Watch it. Four stars.

Also, there's a darkly comical scene where Bullmer and Peter are talking about a hat. Peter asks if Bullmer moves his head around fast, will the hat fly off. After several fast rotations, the hat sits comfortably atop his head. When Bullmer gets murdered, he falls over and there's a quick shot of his hat falling off and blowing to the side. That one made me chuckle. And try watching people's expressions when they get killed, as if to find a hint of who the killer really is.

Quick Reviews: ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL

ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL

"Do your parents know that you're Ramones?" ~ Miss Togar

IMDB.com Rating: 6.8 out of 10

Availability: In print, and moderately priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1001xArPVk

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HryuwR90NM

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Vince Lombardi High School keeps losing principals to nervous breakdowns because of the students' love of rock 'n' roll and their disregard of education. The putative leader of the students is Riff Randell (Carrie's P.J. Soles), who loves the music of the Ramones. A new principal, the rock-music-hating Miss Evelyn Togar, is brought in and promises to put an end to the music craze; but when Miss Togar and a group of parents attempt to burn a pile of rock records, the students take over the high school. Joined by the Ramones (who are made honorary students), they go on a rampage. Naturally, the police are summoned, which leads to an explosive finale.

Also, the Ramones pull up to a concert in a drop-top convertible, playing 'I Just Wanna Have Something to Do'. How fucking cool is that?! If I were in a band, that's how'd I'd arrive, jus' sayin'.

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----14
Redeeming Qualities---14
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects----8
Directing/Quality------6
Plot/Storyline----------4
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------5
TOTAL---------------65

5/5 'Mannaja: A Man Called Blade'

MANNAJA: A MAN CALLED BLADE

"Those that know me call me, Blade; because I got a habit of letting this do my talkin' for me"

IMDB.com Rating: 6.7 out of 10

Availability: In print, and moderately priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbsTw1oquEw

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZaqcwF3Dro

OH SHIT! Moment: Left to die, Mannaja is buried from the neck down with his head propped up towards the sun and his eyelids tacked open.

Beverage: A Bounty Hunter and a glass of High West Whisky

Ingredients:

• 1 Shot Malibu
• 1 Shit Kahlua
• 1 Shot Creme de Cacao
• Coconut Milk

Method:

Add ice to your glass, add one shot of Malibu, Kahlua and Creme de Cacao and fill up the rest of the glass with milk. Dust with chocolate powder.

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Happy Cinco de Mayo. Tonight's movie comes by way of Italy. It's the spaghetti western, named 'Mannaja: A Man Called Blade'. Maurizio Merli stars as the titular character; a bounty hunter who gets his name from using a tomahawk as his weapon of choice.

What's the difference between a tomahawk and a hatchet? I mean, they're pretty much the same, except you generally don't throw a hatchet, right? I gotta buddy, his name is Kyle. One day, we were splitting firewood. Let me start over. One night, we were drinking heavily like 20-year-olds do. The next day, we were splitting firewood. Kyle was super-hungover and super-not-useful. He had to do something, though; so I gave him my brand new hatchet (unless we were throwing it, in which case it'd be a tomahawk, right?). I told him to chop up little blocks of wood for kindling. I even remember specifically saying, "don't cut yourself". I knew it was a bad sign when he was walking with it, pretending to chop at his neck. I immediately turned to one of the other guys and said there's no way Kyle's not gonna cut himself today. Some time later, two of my friends, Greg and O.J., came up to me and said, "stay calm, don't be mad. We have something we need to show you". We walked over to Kyle, face fresh with the oh, shit look. Then I looked down at his leg. About halfway up his shin, there was a gaping hole. "Gee, I don't remember bone being there", I thought; and then it hit me. "Caleb, get over here. You gotta see this", Greg shouted. We took him over to my dad. Huddled around him, we couldn't look away. The muscle would contract and expand occasionally, spilling blood in the process. We took a towel and wiped it quickly. And then the muscle expanded again. For a half a second, we could see bone; until it contracted, pouring blood again. "Hey, look, Joe. It's winking at you", Caleb said. So my dad takes Kyle home, an hour away (Joe, now dry-heaving in the background). By this time, the wound had clotted up. As Kyle took a step inside his house, he saw his younger sister. Kyle, as any boy would've done, takes off after his younger sister, chasing her throughout the house. Of course, the pressure on his leg caused the wound to open right back up. And dad -- well, he got out of there faster than Carl Lewis.

Let that be a lesson. I know there's a lesson in there somewhere. Figure it out and let it become a lesson. Any way, we have 'Mannaja' tonight. This is like an end of an era for me. I've been searching for this movie for ten years. I can remember being high school age and looking up Vipco's old website, wanting to order a copy. It's like when Bret Favre and Shaq retired. It's like when a President ends his run in office. This is the end of a long journey for me. Also, my inner 13-year-old boy always giggled when I said, "Mannaja". That hasn't a thing to do from a relevant stance; but I figured I'd put it out there.

Blade is just your average tomahawk-wielding bounty hunter. His travels takes him to Suttonville; a small western mining town. Unwelcome, he begins to ruffle some feathers when he tries to stay. He clearly has a discrepancy with the town's mining boss, McGowan; but it's unclear as for why. He eventually sets aside his motives for revenge when McGowan's daughter gets kidnapped. This is an interesting turn in the plot, because it basically changes the direction of the film; but after being captured by the film's antagonist, he is left buried from the neck down, in a position which forced him to stare into the sun. Blinded, a fugitive who has a history with Blade finds him and digs him free. As he rehabilitates, he hones his senses and skill so he can exact revenge -- on, fucking, everybody.

It's an interesting movie. Unlike most westerns, 'Mannaja' contains symbolism and emotional scenes to give the viewer the feel of a horror film or a thriller. The picture begins in a foggy swamp and ends with a dark cave and a heavy fog. It's also a rather brutal western, in the same vein as 'Cutthroat's Nine' and 'Four of the Apocalypse'. It was for that reason this movie is banned in Sweden.

The heavy fog through a lot of the film gives it a surreal feel; but in all actuality, the filmmakers used it as a way to hide the sound stage they filmed on. The stunts of the film, which Maurizio Merli did almost of all, are extremely well-done. The make-up is very effective and realistic. The movie adds to its surreal-dimension with a dreamlike score. Scenes are intercut as well as could be. It really shows the influences 'The Wild Bunch' and The Man with No Name trilogy had on 'Mannaja'. In the end, you're left with an entertainingly great film and a feeling of fulfillment. So, time to grade it, yes?

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----18
Redeeming Qualities---16
Rewatchability---------8
Fun/Special Effects----7
Directing/Quality------8
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------8
TOTAL---------------79

'Mannaja' is a strong film with a good plot and better acting. It's worth every penny and is a film I could watch again and again. The pain our lead goes through is relatable at times; and he's a likable character with depth and emotion. The picture has a surreal feel unlike most westerns. It presents a number of uncertainties which makes the process of figuring out the plot more enjoyable. I would recommend anyone to watch 'Mannaja', even if you don't share my affinity for Italian films. This is one of the last great spaghetti westerns. Four stars. Tony-approved. 

5/1 '1990: Bronx Warriors' and 'Escape from the Bronx - 1990: Bronx Warriors II'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7m1ugCw1ZA


1990: Bronx Warriors

"The Bronx is no-man's land, where the worst things happen by themselves." ~ Trash

IMDB.com Rating: 5.2 out of 10

Availability: Possibly in print still, and moderately priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMPrRWmDjzA

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HqmML9KRvg

OH SHIT! Moment: Fred "The Hammer" Williamson decapitates a cannibal with his cane-sword.

Beverage: A Bronx Cocktail and a 'Bronx Brewery' Summer Pale Ale.

Ingredients:

2 ounces gin

1/2 ounce dry vermouth

1/2 ounce sweet vermouth

1 ounce fresh orange juice

Method:

Shake all ingredients well with ice; then strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

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We have a double feature tonight. It's the widely entertaining 'Bronx Warriors' duology (part of Enzo G. Castellari's dystopian trilogy, with 'The New Barbarians'). It's the series  that introduced Fred "The Hammer" Williamson to the mainstream and left us all wondering, 'who the hell was Mark Gregory and

where is he now?' But more on that in a little.

Again, we have a dystopian film from Enzo G. Castellari, featuring Fred Williamson and, yes, George Eastman. That's three-in-a-row for George. This one features a New York not unlike 'The Warriors'. In fact, this movie is a total -- not ripoff, but what did I say earlier? -- an "homage"; that's right, class. An homage. This movie is totally an homage to 'The Warriors'. It's a dystopian New York that's controlled by gangs, all of which have dress codes. Actually, while I'm at it, this flick is equal parts 'The Warriors' and 'Escape from New York', with a dash of 'The Road Warrior' for taste.

The plot features a young, attractive woman, Anne, who escapes from the well-preserved, safe and corporate-run Manhattan. Apparently, after the apocalypse, Manhattan looks the exact same; but the Bronx are a nightmarish bitch, filled with the likes of roller-blading and face-painted gangs, crackheads and lots of rubble -- so, the Bronx, too, looks the exact same. She gets picked up by our hero, Trash. Along with a gang, called "The Zombies", Trash and Anne end up being trailed by her father's ruthless bounty hunter, played by Vic Morrow. And being that Anne's father is the president of the dreaded Manhattan Corporation, he can do pretty much anything he pleases. 

Now, as for Vic Morrow; by the time of this film's release, he was already dead, dying a year earlier on the set of 'Twilight Zone: The Movie' when he was decapitated by a crashing helicopter's blade. 

So, we had one actor's career meeting an unfortunate end; and then, there was the exact opposite -- the picture's lead, Mark Gregory (Trash), was a first-time actor. Director, Enzo G. Castellari, frequented the same gym as Mark. So impressed by his build and look, Enzo offered him a job as Trash. That only goes to show you, kiddos; if you work hard and eat your vitamins, you, too, could be the lead in a post-apocalyptic film about a biker gang, starring Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, Vic Morrow and The Hell's Angels. . . Welp, that was widely specific. After seven years of acting, Mark Gregory hung up the acting cleats, as they say. And by "they", I mean "no one".

...

Surprisingly, this movie topped the U.S. billboard charts for three weeks, leading to a sequel (see a few inches below). So here comes the part where I probably grade it than 'Mean Girls 2':

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----14
Redeeming Qualities---11
Rewatchability---------7
Special Effects/Fun----6
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------5
TOTAL---------------63

Welp, wasn't that fun? What an enjoyable film. Did you notice Mark Gregory's stiff legged walk? Apparently, The Hell's Angles -- who, by the way, were running stunts for the film -- made fun of the 17-year-old Gregory for his walking style. And the female lead of Anne -- well, that was played by the beautiful Stefania Girolami Goodwin. She was actually director Enzo G. Castellari's daughter; and she later went onto be the assistant director for 'Super Mario Brothers' and one of my personal guilty pleasures, 'Empire Records'. After the success of this film, Enzo quickly began work on our final film for the evening. 

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Escape from the Bronx - 1990: Bronx Warriors II

"No one will sit on a john. . . full of dynamite" ~ Toblerone

IMDB.com Rating: 3.6 out of 10

Availability: Still in print, but a little pricey.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJijiBXLUuw

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBzh2ReuK4Q

OH SHIT! Moment: Trash blows up a helicopter from long-range, with a six-chambered revolver. It really sets the tone, happening in the first five minutes.

Beverage: A Manhattan. And if you drink them like I do, you'll wanna make a few.

Ingredients:

3/4 oz sweet vermouth
2 1/2 oz bourbon whiskey
1 dash Angostura® bitters
1 maraschino cherry
1 twist orange peel

Method:

Combine the vermouth, bourbon whiskey and bitters with 2 - 3 ice cubes in a mixing glass. Stir gently, don't bruise the spirits and cloud the drink. Place the cherry in a chilled cocktail glass and strain the whiskey mixture over the cherry. Rub the cut edge of the orange peel over the rim of the glass and twist it over the drink to release the oils but don't drop it in. 

_______________________________________________________________________________
Hoo-ha! What a brilliantly brutal film to finish the evening with. We have, if you happen to give a fuck:

• 110 killed in shootings 
• 40 in explosions 
• 9 by flamethrowers 
• 6 electrocutions
• 4 unknowns
• 2 bashed in the face with a helmet
• 1 by stabbing 
• 1 off-screen kill 
• And 1 face turned to red mush after being hit with a shotgun butt.

Now if you're wanting to fit princess movies in your fuckin' agenda, go right the fuck ahead -- but I'm not. Let me show you why you should spend your time watching art like this.

The Bronx are still a shithole and Trash is still king of the shithole (who'll you'll notice doesn't show off his chest as much this time around; because Enzo was upset by his noticeable muscle-mass loss). The TC Corporation -- who's really just the Manhattan Corporation -- wants to demolish the Bronx in favor of a new, ultra-modern city. They begin to "relocate" all of the inner-city gangs to New Mexico, because why not; or at least that's what they're saying publicly. Instead, they've brought in a tactical death team -- The Disinfestation Annihilation Squad -- to exterminate all of the gangs. With the help of Trash, the local rebels and their leader, Toblerone (yes, his name is actually Toblerone), band together to kidnap the TC Corporation president and kill any who opposes them. With a name like Toblerone, how can you not be inspired to follow him blindly..?

There's a great scene where the police are chasing Trash, fresh off his kidnapping. Running through the sewers in small groups, two of them step on a land mine and blow up. A couple seconds later, another group of two jump over their dead bodies, run ten feet and get blown up by another landmine. And then, a couple seconds later, a third group of two police officers jump over the first set of dead bodies, run ten feet, jump over the second set of dead bodies, run another ten feet and get blown up by another landmine. It's a vicious cycle, folks. And this brings me to the mid movie break. I should give out a few awards; and while we're at it, I think it's time for another Manhattan.

Midnight Movie Award for breaking the century mark in kills.

Midnight Movie Award for Henry Silva for saying, "No sugar, you idiot! How many times do I have to tell you, No Sugar?! It Makes Me CRAAAA-ZZZZY!

Midnight Movie Award for Antonio Sabato for saying, "No one will sit on a john. . . full of dynamite!", and for fathering Antonio Sabato Jr.

Midnight Movie Award for Giancarlo Prete's lines, "There's more ways to die down here than in a Bruce Lee film" and for saying, "I like scratching my balls."

Midnight Movie Award for the Marketing Staff for using the same exact tagline as its predecessor  film, "The first ones to die were the lucky ones".

And Midnight Movie Award for the set designers and production staff for making it clear and obvious who Trash's folks are because their living room wall is covered with a giant photo of Trash.

This movie's end is just amazing. We have bounty hunter, Floyd Wrangler (played by Henry Silva), capture and kill the TC Corporation's president. This puts the vice-president in charge. As he drives away in his sports car, we have Giancarlo Prete -- from a distance of 40 yards, at least -- blow up the vice-president with his shotgun. While escaping, he gets into a scuffle with one of the Disinfestation Annihilation Squad members and bashes the guys face into red goo with the butt of his shotgun. The bounty hunter then kills Toblerone, while Trash wanders the streets killing everyone. As Wrangler drives off, Trash unloads his revolver on him, blowing up our bounty hunter and his ride. This all happens in the span of four minutes. Pretty fucking awesome. 

And as the title credits role, the background music stops with about thirty seconds of credits left; so we're left sitting in silence while the credits keep rolling. I can't articulate why, but something about that makes me like this movie more.

Antonio Sabato Sr. yawning angrily

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----17
Redeeming Qualities---15
Rewatchability---------8
Special Effects/Fun----8
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------5
TOTAL---------------73

Both of these movies are a blast. The first one is an homage, but the second one is clearly stating a message about corporate America. You know -- how the upper class hates everyone else and how government is run by conglomerates? Also, I just spelled "conglomerate" right on my first try. I've never spelled that word. This film plays into the fact that the news media is controlled by people with money; and how independent-thinking in the media will turn you into an outcast. But let's face it; even if you just sit down with a couple of beers and turn your mind off, you'll have one helluva time. I can't recommend these two enough. Hoo-ha! Best of 1983! Tony says, "Watch it!" Hoo-ha!