6/3 Gutterballs

GUTTERBALLS

"I've never seen balls that big before"

IMDB.com Rating: 4.8 out of 10

Availability: In-print and expensive

Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCu8Q464xhU

Watch Online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A563SL-8qag

_______________________________________

The first date I had with my girlfriend was an evening of Jamaican food, a showing of 'Ice Pirates' at a bar, and bowling. Reminiscing on that night is the only time I care to think about bowling; and unless it's 'Kingpin', I don't particularly wanna watch the sport, if you can call it that, on the big screen. 'Gutterballs' only adds to my discontent for the game.

Trashy, sleazy, violent and oversexed, these 95 minutes of over-the-top garbage are a throwback to the grindhouse films of the '70s and '80s. I'll give the film credit. It does have well-done gory effects and a decent score; but the script and acting are pretty insufficient. I mean, with dialogue like:

"Soda pop every-fuckin'-where!", 

and

"What?! Are you kids all fuckin' homo these days?! Ball this, dick that. You know, when my balls dropped..." and that's where I'll stop. I think you all know where that profound statement was headed...

Our drive-in totals include:

11 dead bodies

6 breasts

500+ F-Bombs

Gratuitous sex scenes

2 counts of forced sex with a bowling pin

1 count of bowling pin-deep throat

Full blown castration

1 bowling ball-crushed head

1 face jammed in a bowling ball-cleaner

Beaten to death with a bowling pin

Shotgun lobotomy

Richard Roundtree-hair

And about 1000 immature jokes

There's a fine line between being over-the-top and being garbage, and this film violently frolics on the side of garbage. There was a time when a trashy film meant something. Those days have long passed. This film was made for the ignorant. I wanted to say I enjoyed it, I really did; but I can only take so many dick-and-ball jokes before I feel like I'm in college, talking to a bunch of troglodyte pledges -- and that's why I still hate fraternities. Words like 'Taintlight' and 'Blood-Fart' were made up by the same type of idiots who write, act in, and direct movies like this; and are the same morons who found Dane Cook hilarious for that one year he has famous. Sorry, Chris Seaver. 

In short, 'Gutterballs' is too ridiculous to enjoy. There's a heavy dose of uncomfortable nudity, prolonged sex (rape) scenes, and an unnecessary amount of immature humor. There's no point or message to the movie's graphic nature, giving it the feel of a film that tries too hard to accomplish relatively little. The special effects are done really well, making it the picture's only saving grace; but after that and some sweet Richard Roundtree-hair, you're left with 95 minutes of immaturity, poor writing, and very predictable twists -- a true trash-fest. The intentions of 'Gutterballs' are good, but it falls well short of the mark. 

OH! And there's a transsexual...

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----3
Redeeming Qualities--7
Rewatchability---------2
Special Effects/--------8
Directing/Quality------4
Plot/Storyline----------3
Pacing-----------------4
Dialogue/Acting-------1
TOTAL---------------32