6/4 Pieces

PIECES

"The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a water bed."

IMDB.com Rating: 6.0 out of 10

Availability: In-print and usually pricey.

Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A97EOtxF2gA

Watch Online: Sorry, kiddos. Not on YouTube. Do yourselves a favor and buy this one.
OH SHIT! Moment: Bruce Lee imitator, Bruce Le, makes a Kung Fu-fighting appearance for no reason whatsoever. Now THAT'S cinema!

Beverage: A Chainsaw and a case of Shiner Bock. Maybe make some nachos, too.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 ozchilled tequila

5 - 10 dashes Tabasco® sauce

1 splash Rose's® lime juice

1 splash lemon-lime mix

1 pinch black peppers

Method:

Pour chilled tequilla, Tabasco, Roses, and lemon-lime mix into a cocktail mixer with ice. Shake briefly. Fill a ( chilled in freezer) shot glass, garnish with black pepper, and serve.

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Oh, man. Where to begin. 'Pieces' is simply amazing. Where 'Gutterballs' fails, 'Pieces' triumphs. This is a movie that's so trashy, so sleazy, so bad -- it's great.

As a viewer and lover of trash, I recognized this film as a possible goldmine in the opening credits when I saw it was written by Joe D'Amato. I'm not going to get into the guy's full catalog (because sometimes I don't care for his work); but I'll say he's known for some of the trashiest and sleaziest movies ever. 'Pieces' is no different.

The film begins in 1942 with a kid putting together a puzzle of a naked woman. Pissed-off, his mother yells at him, comparing him to his deadbeat father. Having none of it, the child picks up an axe and buries it in his mom. Finally, he decapitates her and hides the head in the closet. This sounds disturbing, but it's more over-the-top and ridiculous than somber and depressing. Fast-Forward to the present 1982 on a college campus. Throw in a confusing scene of a skateboarding girl who crashes into a giant mirror frame, a picture of a woman with a red 'X' over her face and a shot of the killer's hand putting together the aforementioned nudie puzzle, and you have yourself the potential for cinema gold. 

As the film plays on, the college's students begin to meet their demise at the hands -- and chainsaw -- of a brutal killer. Christopher George plays the homicide detective in charge of the case. I've previously talked of his work, last being mentioned in 'The Executioner'. Starring as our second lead is George's real-life wife, Linda Day George, playing Mary Riggs, a well-known tennis pro and secret undercover cop (?). The film's red herring, Willard, is also a recognizable face, Paul L. Smith ('Midnight Express', 'Dune', 'Red Sonja', 'Maverick' and Bluto from 'Popeye'). Christopher George's Lt. Bracken sees potential in one of the suspects; Kendall, a young student with aspirations of becoming a police officer. Bracken takes Kendall under his wing because Kendall also knows everyone whose gone to the college in the past five years. To make the time quota, there's a few dance scenes where the killer creepily watches from the door and an incredibly un-climactic tennis match. 'Pieces' holds my attention well, especially with its numerous unnecessary deaths. One such favorite, the killer sneaks a chainsaw onto an elevator by holding it behind his back and then chainsaws a woman's arm off before murdering her. 

A great moment of the film happens when Kendall wakes up at night. He gets out of bed. His girlfriend, wanting him to lie back down, says, "Honey. Where are you going? What if you gag me? I wouldn't make any noise then". Un-tempted, Kendall leaves to inspect a noise he heard outside. We cut to Mary Riggs, who's also inspecting the noise (At the time of this movie, writer Dick Randall was also working on Kung Fu films in Italy. This scene was prompted by his experience on those sets). Mary turns a corner and gets attacked by an Asian man who knows karate. After a couple spin-kicks and whatnot, he falls over. To her aid runs Kendall. He recognizes the passed-out Asian as the school's Kung Fu teacher. He wakes him and to his shock, the teacher says, "Bad Chop Suey. So long", and runs off.


'Pieces' has an incredibly high body count and lots of blood. There's a death on a water bed, a knife through a skull, 'Dawn of the Dead'-ripoff music (or, really, a Goblin-ripoff band), an incredible scene of Linda Day George dramatically yelling "Bastard" several times, and gratuitous amounts of blood and nudity. The film does benefit from some pretty good camera work and tolerable acting, not to mention, THE GREATEST ENDING TO A SLASHER MOVIE EVER. No matter what you think, you will never be able to figure out this ending.

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----16
Redeeming Qualities--18
Rewatchability---------9

Fun/Special Effects---9

Directing/Quality------5
Plot/Storyline----------4
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------5
TOTAL---------------73

I find it interesting there's a correlation between the killer's obsession with constantly redoing the nudie puzzle and the ending. Well-worth your time and money. 'Pieces' is almost perfect; but don't take my word for it:

"One of my top horror films of all time! A masterpiece of early 80's sleaze. Full on chainsaw violence, absurd amounts of nudity, and the greatest ending in horror history." ~ Eli Roth, director of 'Cabin Fever' and 'Hostel'.

"A PERFECT 10" ~ Chas. Balun

"The best chainsaw flick since the original 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. Splatter City. FOUR STARS!" ~ Joe Bob Briggs.