4/2 Miami Connection

4/2/14
Miami Connection

"Bikers by day, ninjas by night -- steal you cocaine, along with your life" ~ The film's theme-song

The Best Movie of the '80s to Not Be
Seen in the '80s

IMDB.com Rating: 6.1 out of 10

Availability: Still in print through 'Drafthouse Films' and moderately priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpZu69OB2KM

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOoFOFOZm-4
OH SHIT! Moment: When Mark and John go berserk, killing about 50 ninjas.

Food and Beverage Pairing: Asian-Marinated Vegan Beef and a Mai Tai

Ingredients:
Trader Joe's Vegan Beef Strips
Soy Sauce
Japanese Cooking Wine
Sugar
Korean Pear (or in a crunch, a mango would work, too)
Kiwis (2)
White Onion
Garlic (Half a bulb)
Lemon
Black Pepper
Sesame Oil
White Rice

Step One: Mix equal parts soy sauce, cooking wine and water. About 8 ounces of each should do. Then add sugar. If you want it sweet, which I'd prefer, add a good amount of sugar.

Step Two: Blend together your Korean pear, kiwis, 3/4 of a white onion and half of a bulb of garlic. Taste your 'step one' sauce to see if you want more soy sauce or sugar. Once it has come to a rolling boil, add the blended pear/kiwi/onion/garlic mix and let simmer for 5-7 minutes, at least. Taste it if you need to. If you don't like garlic as much, let simmer longer.

Step Three: Prepare some white rice. Cook with the last 1/4 of the onion. If you really want to get fancy, add in some fresh broccoli, peppers and any other veggies you'd want.

Step Four: Squeeze a whole fresh lemon onto the finally prepared sauce. Grind some fresh black pepper and add a touch of sesame oil and mix. Drop the vegan beef strips in for a couple minutes to marinate.

Top it all on top of the rice and veggies and you have a quick, delicious meal.

And now, the Mai Tai:

Ingredients:

• 1 ounce light rum
• 1 ounce dark rum
• 1/2 ounce lime juice
• 1/2 ounce orange curacao
• 1/2 ounce orgeat syrup
• Maraschino cherry for garnish

Preparation:

1. Pour all the ingredients except the dark rum into a shaker with ice cubes.
2. Shake well.
3. Strain into an old-fashioned glass half filled with ice.
4. Top with the dark rum.
5. Garnish with the cherry and pineapple.

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The Orlando Sentinel said it was the worst film of 1988; BUT Rotten Tomatoes gives this a 75% fresh rating. When Miami biker-by-day/ninja-by-night goons try and act all goon-y throughout town, it comes down to a Loverboy/Pat Benetar-esque rock group to put an end to their goony-goo-goo ways. This isn't just any rock-n-roll group, however -- this group practices taekwondo... and sings about it, too. But wait -- there's more. This do-good-er group, Dragon Sound, is also made up of only UCF students, who happen to all be orphans. But wait -- There's More! They also are "a truly an international band", as their line-up consists of a Korean, Italian-American, African-American, Israel-American Jew and an Italian-American. BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE! And, they're also all black belts in karate. Ah, my nipples are getting hard just typing this.

Originally titled, “Taekwon-DO”, it’s a wonder 'Miami Connection' took twenty plus years to become successful... I mean, with the bikers, the ninjas, the rock songs -- how did this movie not become a massive hit?! On a related note, if you decide to watch it, make sure you TaeKwon-Don’t miss the lyrics to the film’s score. The lyrics, alone, make this well-worth your time.

We begin this feature like many other films before -- with ninjas stealing cocaine and money from a rival gang. This is takes place in the dark hours of the Miami night, hence why there's ninjas. The next afternoon, they are back to being bikers, because, as the theme song informs us, "Bikers by day. Ninjas by night... Steal your cocaine, along with your life". The biker/ninja gang has a sister gang, led by the evil enforcer, Jeff. Okay -- he's not that evil. He mostly just wears army fatigues, a muscle shirt and a feather earring in his left ear. But he does rock some bitchin' sweet all-white kicks. That means 'shoes'.

The films's real drama begins when the aforementioned Dragon Sound's Irish-American bassist, John, begins dating Jeff's sister, Jane. A verbal conflict ensues, leading to the introduction of the single greatest hero ever filmed for the silver screen. Enter Grandmaster Y.K. Kim's famous portrayal, 'Mark'.

More drama ensues when, well, just watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RALpl_Y3tSw

Wow, that escalated quickly!

If you couldn't pick up from the above scene, Dragon Sound is quickly becoming unfavorable with Miami's rival rock bands. And also, if you didn't realize it, everyone in Miami knows karate. After this rock group gets their asses kicked by Dragon Sound, they go to  gang leader, Jeff. From here, it's an all-out gang war, with the Biker-by-day/ninja-by-night gang, the Jeff Gang and the rival rock band all teaming up to take down Dragon Sound once and for all.

Okay, so this movie is SUPER ridiculous. That being said, Y.K. Kim can actually fight and some of Dragon Sound had real karate training, so a lot of the fight choreography turns out pretty alright. The acting is so bad it's good. It's like watching freshmen act in their first play. And surprisingly, the film is paced rather well. Good quality and somewhat likable leads make this movie more enjoyable than most of the trash I watch.

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----17
Redeeming Qualities---17
Rewatchability---------7
Directing/Quality------3
Plot/Storyline----------2
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Writing-------2
Acting-----------------2
TOTAL---------------57

I've twice bought this movie -- once on DVD and once on Blu Ray. This is a purchase that is well worth my time and money. Everyone needs to see 'Miami Connection' at least once. I knew I had a winner when my girlfriend even found it enjoyable. There's not much I dislike about this movie, other than all the "J" names -- John, Jack, Jim, Jane, Jeff. It makes it hard to talk about the film with so many similar names in the cast. Nevertheless, I absolutely love this movie. When I wake up, I think 'Miami Connection'. I brush my teeth to that shit. Okay, maybe not. Maybe I was just trying to sound like P. Diddy. On a different note, there was more to the story than what meets the eye; which becomes apparent the moment before the credits role. This film, with all of it's action and killing, was an anti-violence piece. Ironic. And when they finished filming, well, this is one of those instances where I feel the movie was as good as it could've been. Other than less "J" names, I think the director did the best possible job with what he was given. It's a true feat when you have a script, some actors and a camera and everyone does an equally bad job. Best movie of the '80s. Watch it.