Grown Ups 2
"I want to arrest her for disturbing the peace. In my pants."
IMDB.com Rating: 5.4 out of 10
Availability: Easy to find and moderately priced.
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79CHBGha8es
OH SHIT! Moment: When you press "PLAY".
Food and Beverage Pairing: Doritos and Vodka. Lots of Vodka
Doritos:
Ingredients:
Doritos
Vodka:
Ingredients:
Vodka
FUN FACT: When Adam Sandler dies, he won't need to go to purgatory because after the last 10 years of his career, he's all but solidified a spot in hell. I'm kidding. There is no such thing as hell. But for real -- as much as I like Adam Sandler, he can be a real asshole sometimes; and I don't mean the kind of asshole who does terrible things. I mean, the kind of asshole who makes terrible movies.
So, 'Grown Ups 2'. This is going to be an easy review. After moving his family back to his hometown to be with friends and their kids, Adam Sandler's "Lenny" finds out between old bullies, new bullies, schizo bus drivers, drunk cops on skis, and 400 costumed party crashers sometimes craziness ensues.
In the first act, we get introduced to many cameos; one of which being Georgia Engel. She is a former Emmy-winner, who's best known for her supporting role on 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'. There was a time when she was really beautiful. She was a fox in her 20s. As time went on, she began to grow into her age; which is the nice way of saying she began to look like a grandma. Since her 20s, she's cultivated that specific old-woman look, putting on a little weight, dying her hair that weird blondish-orange color and dressing in the pants-suit attire one would expect an old lady at a funeral or school board meeting to wear. I don't know what she smells like, but I assume it smells like mothballs and my grandma. Although I talk her image down, I am always happy to see her in acting roles. There was a time when she was a truly elite actress. That time was before electricity. Just kidding. I like her acting and I think she does a good job.
In the film's second act, tension starts to build between husband and wife, Adam Sandler and Salma Hayek. From here, we REALLY get zany. Also, might I mention, this film marks the return of 'Mean Girls 2' savior, Tim Meadows. Seriously, I always get happy when he comes on screen. There's also a cameo from many SNL members and alums. There's even a cameo from The Lonely Island. The Lonely Island did a song a few years ago with Michael Bolton about Jack Sparrow; and while I didn't really care for the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movies, I did enjoy that song. They're a group where if I'm in a crowd of people who don't like them, I will argue until the day's end how great they are; and in contrast, if I'm around people who DO like them, I will stop at nothing to tell them how unoriginal they are. It's kind of like that Stevie Nicks song -- the one about "the one-winged dove, sings the song, sounds like she's singin'." That's another one I will argue both sides of. But the difference is I really do hate that Stevie Nicks song. The Lonely Island, however, is pretty alright. When we get to the film's final act, Taylor Lautner shows up. I was beginning to think he died, on account of how I haven't heard his name is so long. I guess he was taking some time off so her could rebound with 'Grown Ups 2'..? Seriously, this is the first time I've ever seen him act; and even in a movie as shitty as this, he really stands out as the King-Shit actor of the film. I cannot over-emphasize how bad his acting is. I can't believe every woman 15-years or younger wants to sleep with this guy. He is truly a terrible actor. I heard Taylor Lautner has a 10-inch dick. But it's up his ass and belongs to Kristen Stewart. Just kidding, just kidding. I like Kristen Stewart. The dick actually belongs to Robert Pattinson. Taylor Lautner walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for three shots of tequila. The bartender asks what's the occasion. Taylor Lautner says, "I just had my first blowjob". The bartender tells him congrats and insists a fourth shot from him, on the house. And Taylor Lautner says, "No thanks. If three shots don't get the taste of Robert Pattinson out of my mouth, I don't know what will!" When Taylor Lautner was seven, he came home from school. He said to his mom, he had sex with the teacher. His mom, upset, told him to tell his father what he did. Seven-year-old Taylor Lautner tells his dad, "Dad, today I had sex with my teacher". Ecstatic, Taylor Lautner's dad tells Taylor Lautner they will go to the bike store and buy the bike Taylor Lautner has been asking for. After they buy the bicycle, Taylor Lautner's dad tells Taylor Lautner he is a man now and he can ride his bike home all by himself. And Taylor Lautner says, "nah. My butt kinda hurts right now."
Oh yeah, and in the beginning of the film, Adam Sandler gets peed on by a moose.
Jus sayin'.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----6
Redeeming Qualities---3 (one point for Chris Rock, David Spade and Time Meadows)
Rewatchability---------6
Directing/Quality------5
Plot/Storyline----------2
Pacing-----------------8
Dialogue/Writing-------4
Acting-----------------3
TOTAL---------------37
This movie isn't as terrible as I was expecting. That is the nicest thing I can say.
I'd also like to throw this in. After I published this last night, I began to think more about the movie. Where this movie goes wrong is it tries to be a PG movie with PG-13 jokes. It kind of alienates its audience, because it is young-adult humor presented in an immature way.
No comments:
Post a Comment