4/29 'The New Barbarians'

The New Barbarians 
a.k.a. Warriors of the Wasteland

a.k.a Bronx Warriors III

"Can Mankind survive without humanity?"

IMDB.com Rating: 4.5 out of 10

Availability: Possibly in print still, and cheap

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF1vvUDo_EE

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVBXQg_q9cE

OH SHIT! Moment: An exploding arrow blows an evil henchman's head clean-off.

Beverage: A Barbarian Cocktail chased with a Barbarian

Apparently there's a couple drinks known as "A Barbarian". We're going to go for the two I liked the best.

Ingredients:

6 oz. Tequila

10 oz. Pineapple juice

2 dash Grenadine

Lime Juice

Method:

Pour mixture of pineapple juice and tequila in large glasses filled with ice. Add a dash of Grenadine and a twist of lime to each glass. Garnish with an orange peel. 

Now, you've had A BARBARIAN. Now, try our next drink, A BARBARIAN..?

Ingredients:

A Glass of Root Beer

A Shot of Blackberry Brandy

Method:

Pour the shot into the glass of Root Beer and chug away.

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I'm going with a theme, people; and that's dystopian movies from Italy. It's funny to think, but most Italian movies of the time were shot mostly with American actors -- and then everyone's dialogue was re-dubbed upon the film's completion, because that makes sense... Released in the U.S. by New Line Cinema as 'Warriors of the Wasteland', 'The New Barbarians' is a mostly forgettable piece of cinema-trash made in the same vein as 'The Road Warrior'. These post-apocalypse movies are mostly the same film -- and frankly, I love it. 'The New Barbarians' falls a little short, however. It's not terrible, but it's just not great.

Starring Fred "The Hammer" Williamson and Giancarlo Prete,  'The New Barbarians' is about two mercenaries helping a caravan of nuclear holocaust-survivors from the attacks of a white-clad biker gang. Fred's claim-to-fame was his NFL career as the hard-hitting Raiders and Chiefs cornerback, who amassed 36 career interceptions during his eight-year career. No one remembers that, though. Most people remember him for his roles in exploitation films of the '70s and '80s, and for his role in 'From Dusk till Dawn' and 'Starsky and Hutch'. And Giancarlo Prete was a person. Rounding out the film's lineup is George Eastman and Anna Kanakis, both from '2019: After the Fall of New York'; which if you read my review of that movie, you'll know it isn't about the aftremath of a New York autumn. 

For the first hour of 'The New Barbarians' you'll probably spend it looking at your cell phone and scratching different body parts. There's a couple cool deaths, but nothing too fantastic to keep your endless attention. I should mention all of the film's graphic deaths come by way of blowing up department store mannequin stand-ins. There's very little blood, but enough cheapo effects to keep you happy. When we finally reach the picture's climax, the killings finally begin to tally up. Fred Williamson runs throughout a 'Road Warrior'-wannabe town, shooting off his grenade-tip arrows at everyone with a gun. So many evil bikers die by an exploding arrows -- the same way my uncle went. The one moment which really stands out is a duel between our hero, Giancarlo, and the picture's nemesis, George Eastman. In a classic Clint Eastwood-style, Giancarlo takes several laser shots to the chest only to reveal he had a laser-proof chest plate on the entire time. Ugh, the oldest trick in the book. Welp, let's figure out what score to give this trash (and I mean "trash" in a good way, if that's possible).

Notice "The Poof" hairstyle -- a popular choice in style and fashion for
apocalyptic-wasteland bad guys

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----9
Redeeming Qualities---13
Rewatchability---------4
Special Effects/Fun----6
Directing/Quality------5
Plot/Storyline----------4
Pacing-----------------3
Dialogue/Acting-------3
TOTAL---------------47

Listen, this isn't a great movie -- but it sure as hell ain't 'Mean Girls 2'. It could've been a lot better. These ripoff movies have a lot to offer by way of gore and trashiness; but 'The New Barbarians' didn't live up to its potential. I'm happy I own it, because I did enjoy a few parts. I'm not sure how much I'd pay for it, but it wouldn't be a whole lot. The main reason I own this is because it came in a box set with two movies I really wanted. But who am I kidding -- this is from the post-apocalyptic master, Enzo G. Castellari; and features an amazing score from Claudio Simonetti, from Goblin -- so, yeah, it's got some greatness to it. As I reflect on 'The New Barbarians', I have to admit -- it ain't bad -- so, I suppose if you're a real fan of trashy Italian cinema and dystopian future films, I wouldn't feel guilty recommending this one to you. Tony says, "watch it".