4/1/14
The Creeping Terror
"That afternoon, in Mungreeve Park, a group of neighbors got together for a hoot-e-nanny!" ~ The Narrator
IMDB.com Rating: 2.1 out of 10
Availability: Very much available through many companies and very cheap.
Featurette/Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM11daJ67Yc
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5twP_19CEA
MST3K Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq_Spa9PTyw
OH SHIT! Moment: When 'the terror' kills and eats upwards of 30 sexually-fueled teens at a dance.
Food and Beverage Pairing: Raw Oysters and Strawberry Margarita (Vegan) Jell-o ShootersMST3K Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq_Spa9PTyw
OH SHIT! Moment: When 'the terror' kills and eats upwards of 30 sexually-fueled teens at a dance.
Ingredients:
Raw Oysters
Fresh Lemons (for oysters)
24-30 Strawberries
MARGARITA MIX
- 1 box (Vegan) Simply Delish Natural Jel Dessert Sugar Free Strawberry
- 8 ounces tequila, preferably reposado or blanco
- 6 ounce Cointreau
- Salt for garnish
Directions:
STRAWBERRY PREP:
- Cut the bottoms of the strawberry flat to get them to stand upright. When you do so, make sure that you do not cut off so much that there is a hole at the bottom.
- Use a huller or apple corer to empty out the strawberry.
- Once the strawberries have been emptied, use a towel to pat the outside of the strawberries dry.
- Check each strawberry and make sure there is not a hole in the bottom before you start filling.
 |
| I can practically taste the tequila now, but mostly I'm just tasting the tequila from breakfast, I think. |
MARGARITA MIX:
- Boil one cup of hot water in a saucepan, then add in Vegan Jel powder and whisk until powder is completely dissolved, about 2 minutes. Set aside. Measure out 1/4 cup of cold water and set aside.
- Combine tequila and Cointreau, in cocktail shaker filled with ice. Add liquour mixture to cold water and stir to combine. Then add cold liquour mixture to hot Jel mixture and stir to combine.
- Pour final Jel mix into strawberries and chill overnight. Dip your finger in water or use a moistened brush to wet the edge of the strawberries, dip and rotate the strawberries in salt to rim. Garnish with cut lime triangles to finish.
After an alien lands on earth, it terrorizes a small town. It's up to the sheriff and two newlyweds to stop the killer beast from destroying their town -- and possibly... THE WORLD...
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| Part penis. Part vagina. 76-minutes of 'Creeping' shit. |
...Also, the alien looks like a glob of latex rubber, shaped like a Chinese dragon. It just kinda shambles everywhere and kills approximately 48 people. Tonight's film review is 1964's, 'The Creeping Terror'.
I used to work in a grocery store. Well, it was kind of a meat market. But more
like a sandwich shop... So, a deli. I used to work in a deli. There, I experienced all forms of inefficiency (Hey! I just spelled "inefficiency" right in one try!). I saw jobs which were supposed to take thirty-minutes take all day, and some which were supposed to be six-hour jobs finished in under 60-minutes. At the core of the store was a nucleus of employees who cared about their jobs, at least enough to not want to consciously screw over a customer.
Outside of those walls, however, there was a cast of employees who had no regard for authority. They were a group of young men with lost inhibition. Half of the people I met there went on to do something meaningful. The other half... Well, I used to work with a guy who did blow with Three 6 Mafia. We even had a guy whose
nickname was ‘Creepy’, because age was nothing when it came to getting laid. Last I heard, he was in a lot of legal trouble. One guy earned his degree in Business -- and then got busted by the police for selling heroin (which is kind of ironic, since he was busted for running a lucrative -- highly illegal -- business). There was this one kid who looked like a small version of
Dolph Lundgren. There wasn't anything wrong with him. I just thought he looked funny.
Say, you remember when Dolph Lundgren and Grace Jones dated? Those two could out-lift the entire USC Football Team, or so says Kenneth Anger.
Speaking of man-eating beasts, today we’re watching “The
Creeping Terror”, “Creeping” being the operative word (That was a fast transition). In the pantheon of ‘Cheeze-Cinema’,
this ranks right between “Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2” and smearing a handful
of shit on some 8mm film you found at a garage sale for a nickel. Harry Medved
once called the terror a “man-eating carpet”. It’s one of the long-lost gems of
the '60s. I was afraid when I put this DVD in, I was making a great mistake;
choosing this over “Night of the Demons 2”.
Yep. Great mistake.
The film starts off, showing the side of an Airstream and some
blurry lights, which is clearly a
UFO..? Two slug-like creatures (or waddling phalluses with, ironically, vaginal-like
mouths) creep their way out and terrorize the countryside of Angel County,
California. Bullets and acoustic guitars are no match for the antagonists, yet
somehow grenades and crashing a cop car are. What makes this movie are the
subtle moments; the normal-walking pace of the protagonists, calmly
meandering away from the beast -- soldiers moving a log so they can park
30-feet closer to the UFO crash site – the way-too-long dancing scene -- the incredibly
high body count -- the constant narrating. With that all said, I cannot overemphasize just how
enjoyably shitty this movie is.
 |
| Kara, if you're reading this, I want this for my birthday. |
What makes it all the more interesting, however; the amount of
controversy which surrounds the film. You have a co-star who was the original
‘Marlboro Man’ and later went on to work for terribly incompetent, Dick Nixon. And then the
antithesis of that, you have a con-man helming the film as the movie’s director/lead actor, under different names, of course. It’s speculated that director, A.J.
Nelson received money from investors in exchange for parts in the movie, and
that he reshot those scenes with different investors. In the middle of shooting,
Nelson pulled the old, ‘going out for a
pack o’ smokes’ routine and never came back. When finally viewed, many of
the scenes had no sound, which explains why so much of the film is narrated.
SHOCKER ALERT: None of the investors ever made their money back. This film is truly
mediocrity at its most misunderstood. Oh, and the assistant director, Randy Starr,
was best known years later for giving Charles Manson the gun he used in the famous Tate-LaBianca
murders. Let’s just say not all nickel-and-dime movies can be “Evil Dead”.
Oh, but this does have one amazing scene -- a dance-hall massacre:
It's like something from a GWAR concert.
 |
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlZydtG3xqI |
Your Drive-In Totals:
48 Dead Bodies
Dance-hall massacre
Inexplicable fist fighting
Dozens of dead sexually-charged teens
Gratuitous gyrating-dancing
Gratuitous monster-creeping
Gratuitous lady-eating
Gratuitous narrating
Gratuitous Car-rolling
Best of 1964. Four stars.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----8
Redeeming Qualities---15
Rewatchability---------3
Directing/Quality------1
Plot/Storyline----------2
Pacing-----------------3
Dialogue/Writing-------0
Acting-----------------1
TOTAL---------------33
Overall Enjoyment ----8
Redeeming Qualities---15
Rewatchability---------3
Directing/Quality------1
Plot/Storyline----------2
Pacing-----------------3
Dialogue/Writing-------0
Acting-----------------1
TOTAL---------------33
How can you really justify this movie? It's very tough. I can say it's super cheap to buy. It's not terribly long, but it's hard to say this film is worth my time. But maybe in about six months, I'll be ready to rewatch this. It's not terrible... Okay, it's terrible; but, it's not un-watchable. I really don't think there was any type of statement being made with this, other than the obvious -- do a background check on your director before you hire them. This was a movie made by a con-man who wanted to make some quick cash. I have to be honest, however. Honestly, if someone wanted to watch a bad black-and-white movie, this would be one of the first I'd recommend. I did give it a 15 for 'Redeeming Qualities', after all.
You know what makes me the sickest about this article? Adding
“Superbabies” to my Microsoft dictionary. Bob Clark did some pretty great
things. And then he took a shit and called it, “Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2”…
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