Or, the newly released (and WAY cooler) trailer at UHM:
http://www.upcominghorrormovies.com/movie/green-inferno
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Upcoming Trailers: THE GREEN INFERNO
THE GREEN INFERNO Trailer
Or, the newly released (and WAY cooler) trailer at UHM:
http://www.upcominghorrormovies.com/movie/green-inferno
Or, the newly released (and WAY cooler) trailer at UHM:
http://www.upcominghorrormovies.com/movie/green-inferno
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Triple Feature: GHIDORAH THE THREE-HEADED MONSTER, INVASION OF ASTRO-MONSTER & GODZILLA vs. THE SEA MONSTER
GHIDORAH THE THREE-HEADED MONSTER
"Ah, these monsters are as stupid as human beings."
IMDB.com Rating: 6.6 out of 10
Availability: In-print and cheaply-priced
Watch Online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnSyu1JLLxo
OH SHIT! Moment: Ghidorah emerges from a giant, radioactive shell, shooting lightning bolts from his three heads.
___________________________________________
OH SHIT! Moment: Ghidorah emerges from a giant, radioactive shell, shooting lightning bolts from his three heads.
___________________________________________
A deadly plot of some gangsters, who are dressed like they're fresh from the renaissance fair, leads to the assassination attempt of a princess; but when she decides to jump out of her airplane -- while in mid-flight -- the airplane explodes killing every passenger and leaving the Yakuza to believe they've successfully snuffed the royal highness. But when a vagabond who looks exactly like the princess pops up in the newspaper claiming to be an alien -- because in this movie, aliens exist and are common knowledge to the people of Japan -- the Yakuza and a journalist begin to get suspicious. Meanwhile, a bunch of onlookers are standing at the base of a giant hole that SHOCKER, a monster lives in. From the hole emerges a previously established Kaiju, Rodan. And, in another part of Japan, scientists study a giant, radioactive, magnetic dome from outer space which SHOCKER, houses a different monster, Ghidorah. Assisting in the movie are Mothra's twin pixies, who explain to everyone what is going on. Annnnd, of course, SHOCKER, Godzilla arises from the sea to trample Japan for no reason whatsoever. Rodan and Godzilla fight in the beautiful Japanese countryside and Ghidorah busts free of its dome and terrorizes mainland Japan. At this time, the Yakuza are in hot pursuit of the princess, who still believes she's an alien. With Ghidorah bearing down on the populous, the pixies twins know the world's only chance at survival is for the monsters to put aside their monster difference and fight Ghidorah. They sing their song and Mothra -- who is still in its larval stage, so Larvra? -- shows up to talk some sense into Godzilla and Rodan. Really. The twins narrate everything the monsters say, since no one on Earth speaks monster... As the three tag team it and fight King Ghidorah for the greater good of the world, an exciting climax awaits as the Yakuza finally catch the princess.
This is a turning point in the series because this was the moment when Godzilla finally started to become a good guy. All and all, it's a fantastic effort. Godzilla in 'Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster' is not the Saurian who destroyed Tokyo ten years prior; but a lizard champion who was on his way to idol-status. By the way, I said "his". Godzilla's gender was never established, so for all intents and purposes, he's a he. I'd strongly recommend this entry for anyone wanting to see a fun Godzilla movie. It was well-worth my time and energy, as well as my money. Ghidorah, with his three heads, two tails and zero arms, is one of the coolest bad guys from this series; so to see his introduction into the series is nothing short of great.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----18
Redeeming Qualities--15
Rewatchability---------8
Overall Enjoyment ----18
Redeeming Qualities--15
Rewatchability---------8
Fun/Special Effects---10
Directing/Quality------6
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------4
TOTAL---------------74
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------4
TOTAL---------------74
INVASION OF ASTRO-MONSTER
"You? Well, this is a funny place to meet. Yeah, I'm gonna die laughing."
IMDB.com Rating: 6.3 out of 10
Availability: In-print and cheaply-priced.
Watch Online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFRYG4NYFc0
___________________________________________
After the established knowledge of aliens from the previous film, Japan sends a few astronauts to Planet X to make contact with a new alien race. The aliens tell the Earthlings about their problems, just like the whiny aliens they are. Ghidorah now lives on Planet X, lightning bolt-ing the shit out of the aliens. The world agrees to lend them Rodan and Godzilla in exchange for the universe's greatest medicine (laughter?). Unfortunately, after they make the trade, Earth finds out they've been duped. Instead, the aliens give the Earthlings a warning, telling them to surrender their weapons and to become their slaves. The aliens brainwash Godzilla and Rodan into thinking the Earth must be destroyed. Unless the humans surrender, Godzilla, Ghidorah and Rodan will be sent back home to see to the total destruction of our planet. Only a few scientists who think they know how to break the mind-spell of the monsters can save Earth from pure destruction.
Welp, considering there's a whole mess of Godzilla movies that were made after this one, I think we all know how it turns out. 'Invasion of Astro-Monster' has better sets than some the previous Godzilla films, and stars a former Hollywood leading man, Nick Adams; but nothing can save the film from its incredibly dumb plot and shitty acting. This film isn't a bad effort -- I mean, it is a Godzilla movie, so anything is possible and usually acceptable. You can take it or leave it with this picture; but that's not to say I didn't like it. I found it to be a bit of fun; but I can recognize a bad movie when I see it. A bad Godzilla movie is like bad pizza -- it doesn't exist (or at least if it does, you're usually too drunk to care).
If nothing else, this entry in the series did give us
The Godzilla Dance
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----11
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------6
Overall Enjoyment ----11
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------6
Fun/Special Effects---7
Directing/Quality------4
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------6
Dialogue/Acting-------5
TOTAL---------------59
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------6
Dialogue/Acting-------5
TOTAL---------------59
GODZILLA vs. THE SEA MONSTER
"This is one lobster you don't want to order!"
IMDB.com Rating: 5.0 out of 10
Availability: In-print and moderately-priced
Watch Online: Not on YouTube.
____________________________________________
The miniatures are back and in full force, in Godzilla on Gilligan's Island, err, 'Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster'. A teenager, Ryota, looking for his older brother, who was lost at sea, meets two other teens fresh off their loss in a dance contest. They go to the shipyard and sneak onto a boat, who happens to be inhabited, presumably, by the boat's owner (who we shortly thereafter find out is actually a thief). He lets them stay the night and in the morning, they find Ryota untied the boat and they've begun sailing the sea. After the bunch gets caught in a storm and attacked by a giant crawdad, they wake up on the beaches of Letchi Island. The evil Red Bamboo army has taken up residence on the island, enslaving tribe members from Mothra's Infant Island, where they are forced to mine a liquid which looks a lot like butter. The butter protects them from the giant crawdad, Ebirah. While running away from the Red Bamboo, our heroes find a cave which Godzilla is sleeping in. Afraid of waking him up, they leave the cave and make a fake bush to hide behind while they attempt to break into the Red Bamboo's fortress, 'Scooby Doo'-style. As the bush inches closer to the fortress walls, they almost get spotted for making too much noise. Luckily, with the spotlights bearing down on them, one of the group releases a bird she's been holding, leading the guards to think the bird was making the noise (thus proving a bird in the hand is worth two -- or five -- in the bush..?). When one of them get captured and Ryota gets his foot caught on a giant balloon and drifts away, the rest have no choice but to wake up Godzilla. Meanwhile, Ryota somehow lands on Infant Island and finds his brother, conveniently. The brothers travel back to Letchi Island to save their friends, and, of course, get attacked by Ebirah along the way. Godzilla arises from his cave to kick some Red Bamboo ass and fight Ebirah (which leads into a volleyball match between the two monsters and a rock. Really). Ebirah retreats and Godzilla takes another nap; but wakes when a giant bird attacks him. He kills the monster with his usual radioactive halitosis and the beast crash-lands in the ocean. The fight is completed with a Godzilla victory dance. The action is quickly followed with a fighter jet attack; but they stand zero chance as the Saurian beast awesomely destroys the living-shit outta the Red Bamboo fly boys. Godzilla then preforms the hat trick by beating the shit out of Ebirah and ripping its claws off. As most of the Red Bamboo have been killed by either Ebirah or Godzilla, they set rig the island to explode. Mothra comes to save the slaves; but Godzilla's still got a score to settle, so the two duke it out. After some short fisticuffs, Mothra quickly flies away with the slaves and our heroes in a homemade people-carrier made from bamboo and probably coconuts, 'Gilligan's Island'-style. Everyone yells to Godzilla to get off the island before it explodes. Luckily, Godzilla speaks Japanese and jumps into the ocean right before the island explodes. "Well, that island's gone forever", one of our heroes says. And we're left with Godzilla swimming away safely. Phew. That was a close one.
"Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster' has a beautiful opening and some of the best sets of the original Godzilla series. It also has some of the worst acting, even by Godzilla standards. With lines like "Have you gone blind" being said to a one-eyed man, the writing and humor isn't too much better. Also, there's some of the worst fake-cliff diving in this. The action and miniatures, however, are a great deal of fun in this entry. If this means anything, up to this point, this is probably my favorite of the Godzilla sequels. Tony says, "check it out". Best of 1966. 4 stars.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----18
Redeeming Qualities--17
Rewatchability---------9
Fun/Special Effects---8
Directing/Quality------3
Plot/Storyline----------2
Pacing-----------------8
Dialogue/Acting-------2
TOTAL---------------67
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Blog Recommendations
IMDB.com Rating: 6.7 out of 10
Woolsey arrives in Key West to promote his newest film, 'Mant' -- half man, half ant. As he arrives, the military is deploying to Cuba, leaving the community and the country paranoid of nuclear attack; and, of course, the plot of 'Mant' is a man who becomes a giant ant due to nuclear testing and radiation poisoning. The film comically plays into every adult's fear at the time; but the focus is on the kids and the influence the sci-fi genre has on them. 'Matinee' is a throwback. It reminds me of the films I loved growing up and the monster movies which made me fall in love with the sci-fi and horror genres. Additionally, I love Key West, so that only makes the movie more enjoyable for me.
Watch Online: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIIrLwTO4tg
______________________________________________
Set in Key West, Florida -- one of my favorite destinations for vacation -- Matinee is a period piece about a film promoter, the cheezy sci-fi movies of the '50s and '60s, and the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis. Playing the film's lead of Lawrence Woolsey is John Goodman, whose character is clearly based off of William Castle; famed produce who brought to the screen movies such as 'The Tingler' 'The House on Haunted Hill' and '13 Ghosts'. His movies usually came with a gimmick. Sometimes, he'd had a nurse at the theater making people sign a waver to see the film. Sometimes, the movie would be in 3-D. He even went as far as putting buzzers underneath the seats to make people scream, causing the entire theater to be in an uproar.
Woolsey arrives in Key West to promote his newest film, 'Mant' -- half man, half ant. As he arrives, the military is deploying to Cuba, leaving the community and the country paranoid of nuclear attack; and, of course, the plot of 'Mant' is a man who becomes a giant ant due to nuclear testing and radiation poisoning. The film comically plays into every adult's fear at the time; but the focus is on the kids and the influence the sci-fi genre has on them. 'Matinee' is a throwback. It reminds me of the films I loved growing up and the monster movies which made me fall in love with the sci-fi and horror genres. Additionally, I love Key West, so that only makes the movie more enjoyable for me.
'Matinee' is one of those films a lot of people have forgotten; which is kinda fitting since the source material -- the sci-fi films of the '50s and '60s -- has also been lost from the general public's memory. It's a relatively cheap buy; and, for an hour and a half, it's got a lot of substance. Tony says to check it out.
Quick Reviews: THE EXTERMINATOR
THE EXTERMINATOR
"The man they pushed too far"
IMDB.com Rating: 5.5 out of 10
Availability: In-print and moderately-priced
Beverage: An Exterminator
Ingredients:
1 oz light rum
1 oz Chartreuse
Method:
Mix both and pour into an Old Fashioned glass.
_______________________________________________
Tonight's movie is 'The Exterminator'. When a film begins as graphically as this one (you'll just have to buy it to know what I'm talking about), you know you're in for an assault. Routinely, there are unique and terrible ways for the bad guys to die. "Meat mobster", Gino Pontivini, gets dropped into a giant meat grinder, a Vietcong soldier gets his throat terribly disfigured by piano wire, a couple gangsters die by custom-made exploding bullets, a politician gets shot in the crotch, a sexual predator gets caught on fire, and those are just the ones which come to mind.
After coming back from a rough tour in Vietnam, where held as a P.O.W., John Eastland takes up work at a warehouse. When a couple gangsters hassle him and paralyze his best friend and war buddy, Jefferson, Eastland snaps and kills everyone who deserves it. He eventually takes his private war to Washington, killing dirty politicians.
'The Exterminator' stars Robert Ginty (who spent the '60s in rock acts, hanging out with Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and John Lee Hooker), Samantha Eggar ('The Brood' and 'Metalocalypse'), Steve James (classic action sidekick and stuntman, 'I'm Gonna Git You, Sucka', 'American Ninja') and Christopher George (who had an incredible career right before his 1983 death; including 'Mortuary', 'Pieces', 'Enter the Ninja', 'Graduation Day', and 'City of the Living Dead'. Also, he was in 'Chisum', but I'm not too fond of John Wayne, so I couldn't care less).
After coming back from a rough tour in Vietnam, where held as a P.O.W., John Eastland takes up work at a warehouse. When a couple gangsters hassle him and paralyze his best friend and war buddy, Jefferson, Eastland snaps and kills everyone who deserves it. He eventually takes his private war to Washington, killing dirty politicians.
'The Exterminator' stars Robert Ginty (who spent the '60s in rock acts, hanging out with Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and John Lee Hooker), Samantha Eggar ('The Brood' and 'Metalocalypse'), Steve James (classic action sidekick and stuntman, 'I'm Gonna Git You, Sucka', 'American Ninja') and Christopher George (who had an incredible career right before his 1983 death; including 'Mortuary', 'Pieces', 'Enter the Ninja', 'Graduation Day', and 'City of the Living Dead'. Also, he was in 'Chisum', but I'm not too fond of John Wayne, so I couldn't care less).
Here's a clip of Christopher George as the bad guy in 'Enter the Ninja'.
Classic.
Anyway, I digress. So where was I? Oh, yes -- 'The Exterminator'.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----13
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------6
Special Effects---------8
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------8
TOTAL---------------69
Overall Enjoyment ----13
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------6
Special Effects---------8
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------8
TOTAL---------------69
Thursday, May 22, 2014
5/22 Teenagers from Outer Space
TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE
"And he forced Gramps to drive here?!"
IMDB.com Rating: 3.5 out of 10
Availability: In-print and very cheap.
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6BxzcuEkow
MST 3K Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnOzPbjM4cQ
OH SHIT! Moment: That damn space-teenager, Thor, reduces a family dog to a pile of bones, just because he can. And because he has a ray-gun and a 'tude.
MST 3K Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnOzPbjM4cQ
OH SHIT! Moment: That damn space-teenager, Thor, reduces a family dog to a pile of bones, just because he can. And because he has a ray-gun and a 'tude.
Beverage: A Spaceman
Ingredients:
8-10 ice cubes, cracked1/2 measure white rum
1/2 measure vodka
1/2 measure fresh lemon juice
1 dash passion fruit juice
lemon wedge, to decorate
Method:
Put half of the cracked ice into a cocktail shaker and add the rum, vodka and juices. Shake until a frost forms. Strain it into an old-fashioned glass filled with the remaining ice. Decorate with a lemon wedge.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Stay off the grass, you damned teenagers! . . . Oh, hi! I didn't see you there. I hope you're in the mood for the drive-in; because tonight's movie is the camp-classic, 'Teenagers from Outer Space'. It's the coming-of-age tale about a martian in-love. And a ray gun that blasts the flesh off humans. And a giant, killer space-lobster. I'll let all that sink in for a moment. Now, excuse me while I go yell at these damned, delinquent space teenagers.
HEY! YOU! Yeah, you -- keep off the grass, ya' good-fer-nuthin' space punks! And STAY OUT!
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
1959 was an interesting time for the U.S. Between the tensions with Communist Russia and Cuba, advancements from N.A.S.A., and the looming-end of the decade, the nation's biggest worry were teenagers from outer space. Or at least it should've been. What Tom Graeff set off to make was a sci-fi film about space lobsters, when in all reality, he made a truly amazing cult classic. Aside from the ridiculously high body count:
- At least 8 human deaths
- Possible other deaths
- An entire alien race dies
- And 1 dead dog
. . .'Teenagers from Outer Space' also has some of the best dialogue.
"You will take me to a man of surgery to get the pellets removed from my chest." ~ Thor, after being shot with Earth bullets
"There's a chance I can do something yet... Those wires, going from pole to pole. They carry the source of illumination and power through the homes." ~ Derek, speaking about power lines and electricity.
"They call it 'the guide ship'. It looks like there are 100 more in the sky." ~ Joe Rogers, pointing at, literally, nothing.
"Grandpa was so exhausted, he fell asleep with all of his clothes on." ~ Betty, lead actress/dummy
An alien spacecraft comes to Earth to test if the planet is suitable to raise Gargons, which are really gigantic, air-breathing lobsters from space. Showing his dominance, the incredible dickweed, Thor, shoots a barking dog, reducing it to a pile of bones. As I write this, our neighbor's dog is barking as though it's filled with an insane rage, so I can kinda justify Thor's actions. After the unruly teenager alien, Derek, sees the dog had a name tag, he realizes the planet is inhabited by people; and raising giant space lobsters would be the immoral thing to do. He revolts, citing material he read back home which was supposed to be confiscated. Like any whiny teen, he runs off in protest and Thor chases him.
Plot twist: Thor and the rest of the invading aliens (all two of them) get word that Derek is their supreme leader's son. This, of course, is unbeknownst to Derek, because why the fuck not.
Derek takes up residence with our female lead, Betty, and her grandpa. Betty and Derek go swimming at a friend's house and then Derek takes Betty to show her her dead dog; all the while, Thor is leaving a trail of skeletons across the California countryside. The police get involved, but their participation in the film is rather unimportant to the plot. The police are basically just fodder for Thor and his ray gun. Thor takes Betty and Derek hostage, but not before one of the cops shoots Thor. Eventually, they escape, and despite being romantically involved with reporter Joe Rogers (played by director, Tom Graeff), Betty chooses Derek as her new main squeeze.
Unfortunately, Derek and Betty's makeout session gets interrupted by a giant, screaming lobster, balancing on its tail (..?). When Derek picks up a rock to throw at it, he discovers his ray gun lying underneath it. After repeated attempts to shoot it fail because the ray gun is broken, he throws it at the beast, knocking it down. I shit you not, this really happens. Just watch from 4:30 on the below video.
A bunch of schlock happens as the lobster attacks some yokels. Derek climbs an electric pole, cuts the lines and hooks them up to his ray gun. Betty calls the electric company and tells them to send all their power to the lines Derek cut, and of course, they blindly oblige. Luckily, this is enough power to destroy the giant lobster. Phew.
The supreme leader shows up and convinces Derek to come back to the spaceship. It's a tense moment in the film, because hundreds of alien warships show up to land and takeover Earth. We take the actors' word on it, though, because the movie never actually shows any of the spaceships. . . Derek quickly hops in the supreme leader's spaceship and changes the landing coordinates, causing all of the warships to crash onto Earth. We know this because Betty, Joe Rogers and Grandpa narrate the crash from a safe distance. They quickly run into a cave and BAM! Stock footage of a volcano, to let us know all of the alien spaceships have crashed. Fortunately, it happens in a wooded nonresidential area in the countryside of southern California. I imagine the real horror was the roaming forest fires from the aftermath of the crash. I'm sure the news blamed it on troubled teens playing with fire.
Betty presumably never mentions to Joe she cheated on him with a space teenager, and the film ends with Derek's head appearing in the sky. "I shall make the Earth my home, and I shall never, never leave it", Derek says as his head fades into the calming evening sky.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----17
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------8
Overall Enjoyment ----17
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------8
Fun/Special Effects---9
Directing/Quality------2
Plot/Storyline----------2
Pacing-----------------9
Dialogue/Acting-------2
TOTAL---------------62
Plot/Storyline----------2
Pacing-----------------9
Dialogue/Acting-------2
TOTAL---------------62
Happy birthday, dad.
Double Feature: KING KONG vs. GODZILLA & MOTHRA vs. GODZILLA
KING KONG vs. GODZILLA
"There are more than things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
IMDB.com Rating: 5.9 out of 10
Availability: In-print and cheap
Watch Online: You just gotta buy this one.
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Before 'Freddy vs. Jason' and 'Alien vs. Predator', there was 'King Kong vs. Godzilla'. There aren't many times I say this and mean it, but you should definitely buy this movie.
A pharmaceutical company visits Skull Island to take a non-addictive plant which makes the body numb and sleepy -- so, Quaaludes... While visiting the island, they make friends with the natives, giving them -- I shit you not -- cigarettes. There's even a child wanting cigarettes -- and when the two pharmacists realize they don't have any candy, they both hand the kid some smokes and tell him not to let his mom know. It's so fuckin' great. As a storm comes, the tribe begins a ceremony for their God -- who happens to be a giant fucking ape. Upon sight of Kong, the pharmacists decide to take the ape captive. Meanwhile, a submarine crashes into an iceberg, releasing Godzilla, who was trapped in there after the events of the previous film, 'Godzilla Raids Again'. Godzilla, as always, decides to go to Tokyo, because why the fuck not. At this time, King Kong is safely sedated on a boat, on a course to -- shocker -- Tokyo. When he becomes restless and awakens, the army tries to blow King Kong up. Instead, they just free him and piss him off. With both monsters on a path to Japan, only a no-holds-barred match will keep Japan from being sent back to the stone age.
'King Kong vs. Godzilla' is a lot of fun. There's a fight scene in the beginning between a giant octopus and King Kong, which included filming a real octopus on a miniature set of Skull Island. I am a big animal rights supporter; but for one moment, I had to watch this and pretend there was zero animal cruelty in the filming of this movie. If you can do that, this scene is fucking amazing. Most of the movie is King Kong and/or Godzilla trampling Japan. The fight scenes are fantastic. What makes this better than most Godzilla movies is 'King Kong vs. Godzilla' has relatively no side-plot. There's a little storyline, but most of the film is spent on the actions of the monsters. Also, as a huge 'Creature from the Black Lagoon' fan, I should note Universal used the Creature's theme for King Kong, so this has that going for it. The acting is enjoyably bad; and in the spirit of a monster movie, a shit-ton of people die and several tanks melt at the fire-breath the Godzilla.
'King Kong vs. Godzilla' is a lot of fun. There's a fight scene in the beginning between a giant octopus and King Kong, which included filming a real octopus on a miniature set of Skull Island. I am a big animal rights supporter; but for one moment, I had to watch this and pretend there was zero animal cruelty in the filming of this movie. If you can do that, this scene is fucking amazing. Most of the movie is King Kong and/or Godzilla trampling Japan. The fight scenes are fantastic. What makes this better than most Godzilla movies is 'King Kong vs. Godzilla' has relatively no side-plot. There's a little storyline, but most of the film is spent on the actions of the monsters. Also, as a huge 'Creature from the Black Lagoon' fan, I should note Universal used the Creature's theme for King Kong, so this has that going for it. The acting is enjoyably bad; and in the spirit of a monster movie, a shit-ton of people die and several tanks melt at the fire-breath the Godzilla.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----17
Redeeming Qualities--19
Rewatchability---------8
Overall Enjoyment ----17
Redeeming Qualities--19
Rewatchability---------8
Fun/Special Effects---10
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing-----------------9
Dialogue/Acting-------4
TOTAL---------------80
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing-----------------9
Dialogue/Acting-------4
TOTAL---------------80
________________________________________
MOTHRA VS. GODZILLA"I'm not as afraid of Godzilla as I am of the editor... He's meaner."
IMDB.com Rating: 6.5 out of 10
Availability: In-print, and moderately-priced
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTywHy7Yg9Q
___________________________________________Godzilla is back with all his tank-melting fire-breath -- and this time, he's facing an already-established Japanese Toho star.
Based on what you just read, you might have an idea of how the movie ends, but you'd probably be wrong. Alas, 'Mothra vs Godzilla' (or 'Godzilla vs. The Thing', to keep the movie-goer wondering who or what the thing would be) is a good sequel. It's got its fun moments -- lots of action, fire and death in, what feels like, every frame. Tonight's two movies changed the dynamic of Godzilla. From this point on, it would be Godzilla vs a Kaiju of some sort, with Godzilla always receiving top billing. 'Mothra vs. Godzilla' is worth a watch. 4 stars, best of '64.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----14
Redeeming Qualities--15
Rewatchability---------6
Overall Enjoyment ----14
Redeeming Qualities--15
Rewatchability---------6
Fun/Special Effects---9
Directing/Quality------6
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------4
TOTAL---------------68
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------4
TOTAL---------------68
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
5/20 'Maniac Cop' Trilogy
MANIAC COP
"You always take a leak with a gun in your hand? That's a good way to blow your balls off!"
IMDB.com Rating: 6.0 out of 10
Availability: In-print and moderately-priced.
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDy1z47oyiU
OH SHIT! Moment: The defenestration of Tom Atkins.
OH SHIT! Moment: The defenestration of Tom Atkins.
Beverage: A Crazy
Ingredients:
2 oz Malibu coconut rum1 - 1 1/2 oz DeKuyper Raspberry Pucker schnapps
1 - 1 1/2 oz melon liqueur
2 oz Mountain Dew
4 - 6 oz pineapple juice
Method:
Combine all ingredients together in a Collins glass filled with ice cubes. Stir well, and serve.
We have a triple feature tonight with 'The Maniac Cop' trilogy. You remember -- "you have the right to remain silent... Forever". The tagline so nice, they had to use it twice. Welp, let's get right into it.
Officer Matt Cordell is wrongly blacklisted and sent to prison where he gets nearly murdered by the men he arrested. After being pronounced dead, he's sent out in a body bag; only to return to the streets, killing everyone in his way. It's up to Bruce Campbell, who's framed for the maniac cop's murders, and his girlfriend, played by Laurene Landon, to find the Cordell. Fortunately, the detective on the case, Tom Atkins, believes them and the trio are the only thing that stands in the way on the maniac cop's killing spree.
Writer, Larry Cohen, and director, William Lustig, sat down in a diner and hashed out this screenplay. They based it on the cop films which were popular at the time, and added in elements of Lustig's biggest film, 'Maniac'. It's really the first action/slasher ever.
It's a pretty entertaining film; and like most of William Lustig's movies, the stunts are insanely awesome. In addition, the cast is good, by horror standards. Other than Atkins and Campbell, the film also stars Richard Roundtree ('Shaft'), and the maniac cop, Robert Z'Dar. Between Z'Dar and Campbell, this film has the highest chin-size/actor ratio ever. The legend goes one can only watch 'Maniac Cop' in widescreen just because a few closeups of Z'Dar's chin reach beyond the point of full-screen.
In honor of Joe Bob Briggs:
We're talking no breasts. (Shame on you Laurene.) Fifteen dead bodies.
Neck snapping.
Teenager through the windshield.
Ear-to-ear throat slitting.
Eight-story cop dropping.
One motor vehicle chase, with paddy wagon, two crashes, East River-dunking.
Flagpole through the gizzards.
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Tom Atkins, as the detective searchin for the maniac cop, for saying "Look at the size of those hematomas";
Bruce Campbell, as the unhappily married cop who gets blamed for the killings after his wife dies on the night he sneaks out to aardvark with Laurene, for saying "YOU'RE the one that dropped out of therapy";
Sheree North, as the crippled lady cop who helps the maniac kill "those that did wrong to you," for screaming "He knows! He Knows! He knows I'm no good to him!";
Robert Z'dar, as bloody razor-faced Officer Jason;
and Larry Cohen, the writer-producer, who made It's Alive! ("There's only one thing wrong with the Johnson baby--it's alive!"), "Perfect Strangers," "Q," "The Stuff," and "It's Alive Part II," and now does it again with The Fuzz That Won't Go Away.
Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----13
Redeeming Qualities--12
Rewatchability---------6
Overall Enjoyment ----13
Redeeming Qualities--12
Rewatchability---------6
Fun/Special Effects---5
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing------------------6
Dialogue/Acting-------7
TOTAL---------------62
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing------------------6
Dialogue/Acting-------7
TOTAL---------------62
MANIAC COP 2
"You can't con Con Edison."
IMDB.com Rating: 5.7 out of 10
Availability: In-print and moderately-priced.
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lImVKwmgrt0
OH SHIT! Moment: Claudia Christine gets handcuffed to the outside of a fast-moving vehicle on a stroll through New York.
Beverage: A Maniac
Ingredients:
- 2 oz Beefeater Gin
- 1 oz Cointreau Orange Liqueur
- 1 oz Kahlua Coffee Liqueur
- Top with Coca-Cola
Method:
Pour the first three ingredients into ice-filled Collins glass and gently stir. Add the cola to the top and lightly stir. Garnish with an orange wedge and serve with straws.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Next on the docket, 'Maniac Cop 2'. This is a fantastic sequel. It's actually Lustig's favorite film he directed. He made this picture with relatively no budget, and finished with what looked like a well-financed movie. There's so much action, blood, and bullets in every frame, it's damn-near perfect. Alamo Drafthouse has said it's "truly the greatest 1980s horror-action film ever made". I almost have to agree, based on my score.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----16
Redeeming Qualities--17
Rewatchability---------7
Overall Enjoyment ----16
Redeeming Qualities--17
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects---8
Directing/Quality------10
Plot/Storyline----------8
Pacing------------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------8
TOTAL---------------81
Plot/Storyline----------8
Pacing------------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------8
TOTAL---------------81
Another thing that adds to the shear awesomeness of the film; a 'Maniac Cop' rap song which closes out the film's end credits. Incredible. But don't take my word; here's the text from the Joe Bob Briggs's "Drive-In Theater" airing of 'Maniac Cop 2':
It's that time of year again. The time when we get the Winnebago down off blocks and drive 140 miles out into the countryside to the Medieval Renaissance Fair where somebody bulldozed a soybean field so we can watch fat girls in flouncy dresses play the lute while we munch on an authentic Weasel-on-a-Stick shishkebob treat.
You probably have your favorite part of the Renaissance Fair, just like I do. Maybe it's those fabulous strolling minstrels in elf hats, playing mandolins with their elbows and singing songs never before heard outside the public library on "Special Education Storytelling Day."
Or maybe it's the guys who dress up in wimp armor--you know, it's not the REAL stuff that weighs 940 pounds, it's this Frederick's-of-Hollywood armor that's made out of chicken wire and paper-mache--and they run around with cardboard swords whacking each other over the head while people in Bermuda shorts that drove in from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, holding Fudgsicles in their hand stand around yelling "Knock him on his rear end!"
Another thing. Remember when you were in elementary school and they forced you to learn how to play the "recorder," that thing that's more complicated than a kazoo but it's not quite a clarinet? And remember how, after you practiced on it for about eight weeks, you invited the parents to the school to hear you make the sound of sixty terrified sewer rats being run over by a steamroller? And remember how, after you got home that night, you said, "Mom, how come the only place anybody plays the recorder is third grade?" And remember how your mom could never answer that question?
Well, now we have the answer. THERE'S 17,000 PEOPLE PLAYING THE RECORDER AT THE RENAISSANCE FAIR! Not only that, but they still sound like sewer rats being run over by a steamroller.
Where do these people come from? Are they born this way? Do they grow up saying, "I can't wait till I'm old enough to put on a frilly shirt and some pantaloons and juggle bowling pins while balancing on a beach ball"? Or is it something that happens later in life? They wake up one morning, their brain has been scrambled during the night, and they're thinking, "You know what? I've always wanted to dress up like a deaf-mute beggar and go around pulling on the pants legs of tourists."
You know what I'm talking about? They hire these people to be scenery. If you were in New York City, you'd see these people and say, "Why can't they get these crackheads off the streets?" But you're out in the country, at the Renaissance Fair, and so you say, "Isn't that cute? A crackhead from the sixteenth century!"
But, of course, everyone's favorite part of the Medieval Renaissance Fair comes at the end of the day when we all the fat girls link arms and sing the Simon and Garfunkel version of "Scarborough Fair." You know the song that's just a list of herbs and spices? "Parsley, Sage, Strawberries and Wine"--something like that. Or maybe it's "Celery, Beige Berries and Lime." Anyhow, it's this song about stuff you put on food, and when they get to the end of it they're all teary-eyed.
You know what would be better, though? They should have a few of those guys dressed up in spaghetti-strap fishnet armor take their wicked lances and plunge em right directly into the fat girls' stomachs WHILE they're singing "Scarborough Fair." I think that would be more historically authentic, and it would sure make the singing sound better.
Speaking of people that should be set on fire and dropped off a ten-story building, "Maniac Cop 2" just came out, and I know this is gonna be hard to believe, but it's even BETTER than "Maniac Cop Uno." Remember that one? "You have the right to remain silent . . . forever!" About the cop that got framed and sent to Sing Sing, where twenty guys surrounded him in the shower and carved Indian totem pole designs all over his body and made him REAL mad? Well, he was supposed to be dead at the bottom of the East River with a giant steel girder through his chest. But what you didn't realize is that he SURVIVED that injury, and now he's once again roaming the streets of New York, like Jason-with-a-badge, twisting the necks off innocent people, making the cops look like serial killers--and this time he has FRIENDS. Officer Stir-Fry Face Cordell moves in with the city's most successful killer of topless dancers, a beardo geek played by Leo Rossi, and together these guys are like a couple of goofy cannibals. Cagney and Gacy.
Of course, nobody believes Cordell is really alive--EXCEPT for Laurene Landon, better known as "Hundra," better known as Christian Brando's girlfriend, who was one of the two cops in the FIRST movie who knew what Cordell was up to, along with her partner, the great Bruce Campbell, of "Evil Dead" fame. I won't tell you what happens to Laurene and Bruce this time, except it involves shrinks and chainsaws. The shrink is played by Claudia Christian--best remembered as the stripper in "The Hidden," although she keeps all her clothes on in this flick--and she's teamed up with the pock-faced Robert Davi, the greatest bad guy working today, who plays a good cop who ACTS like a bad guy, which is the same thing.
In other words, it's one of those Larry Cohen scripts that's got a whole lot of plot getting in the way of the story, but it's directed by William "Maniac" Lustig, who outdid himself in this flick. There's one high-speed motor vehicle chase scene that might be the best one ever filmed.
Thirty-one dead bodies.
Eight breasts.
Stiletto through the back.
Shotgun in the face.
Neck-snapping.
Cop-on-a-meathook.
Two motor vehicle chases, with five crashes.
Three guys set on fire.
Kung Fu.
Chainsaw Fu.
Convenience store Fu.
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Laurene Landon, as the cop with a chainsaw, for saying "You can't kill the dead!" and
"I have no reason to kill him--I LOVE him!";
Robert Davi, as the tough cop, for saying "I shot him before he shot me";
the great Charles Napier, as a TV host, for saying "When it comes time for your execution, you can't con Con Edison!";
Leo Rossi, as the sleazoid serial killer, for saying "You're the prettiest one in my collection so far" and
"You know, I feel like I'm a crusader against the whores of the world";
Claudia Christian, as the cop shrink, for saying "Shooting Cordell is only good for getting his attention";
William Lustig, the director, who did his usual excellent job;
Larry Cohen, the writer, for lines like "There's a piece of Cordell in every cop" and
"There's only that much difference between a cop and a MANIAC cop";
and, of course, Robert Z'dar, who does it again, as the Maniac Cop his ownself.
Four stars. Best of 91.
And let's not forget, we have a Danny Trejo appearance, too.
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MANIAC COP 3: Badge of Silence
"I don't like my staff using this hospital like a goddamn Greek restaurant."
IMDB.com Rating: 4.8 out of 10
Availability: In-print and moderately-priced.
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYCICm4G7oQ
OH SHIT! Moment: "Maniac Cop" Cordell throws a thug across the street and shoots him in midair.
Beverage: A Voodoo
Ingredients:
2 Shots Bacardi 8-year-old
3/4 Shot Martini Rosso
2 1/2 Shot pressed apple juice
1/4 Shot fresh lime juice
1/4 Shot simple syrup
Method:
Dust Collins glass with cinnamon. Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into ice-filled glass.
__________________________________
Last on the agenda for tonight, the third and final, 'Maniac Cop' film. Not all is good in the world of the Maniac Cop. Lustig returned to direct; but after his version came in under an hour long, the financiers demanded he shoot more. Lustig walked off set and the film was finished by someone else. . . Not a good sign. There's still a whole mess of action and blood.
The maniac cop is back with the aid of voodoo. After the shooting of a New York police officer, Kate Sullivan, leaves her in a coma, and the footage of the shooting gets edited to make her look like the bad guy, zombified Cordell takes it upon himself to exact revenge on those responsible for giving her the negative credit.
Starring in this one, we have Z'Dar and Davi reprising their roles from the previous film. Paul Gleason ('The Breakfast Club', 'Die Hard'), Jackie Earl Haley (Watchmen), Robert Forster ('Alligator', 'Jackie Brown'), and Julie Harris ('Super Fly') round out the rest of the cast.
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The maniac cop is back with the aid of voodoo. After the shooting of a New York police officer, Kate Sullivan, leaves her in a coma, and the footage of the shooting gets edited to make her look like the bad guy, zombified Cordell takes it upon himself to exact revenge on those responsible for giving her the negative credit.
Starring in this one, we have Z'Dar and Davi reprising their roles from the previous film. Paul Gleason ('The Breakfast Club', 'Die Hard'), Jackie Earl Haley (Watchmen), Robert Forster ('Alligator', 'Jackie Brown'), and Julie Harris ('Super Fly') round out the rest of the cast.
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----12
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects---7
Directing/Quality------5
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing------------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------7
TOTAL---------------64
Okay, so, yes, I did rate 'Maniac Cop 3' higher than number 1. The original is a better movie, by far; but I enjoyed this one more. It's got more explosions, more car chases, more blood -- it's just more fun. At the height of the action, we have a car chase between Davi and Z'Dar, who is on fire during the entire scene. Yes, that's correct -- there is a five minute flaming-car chase in the film's finale. It's amazing, I know. The movie ends wonderfully, with Davi lighting a cigarette with the still-flaming, lobbed-off arm of Cordell. How can you beat that, you ask? Well I'll tell you! You can end with the extremely burned corpses of Cordell and Kate Sullivan holding hands in the morgue. Aww.
Overall Enjoyment ----12
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects---7
Directing/Quality------5
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing------------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------7
TOTAL---------------64
Okay, so, yes, I did rate 'Maniac Cop 3' higher than number 1. The original is a better movie, by far; but I enjoyed this one more. It's got more explosions, more car chases, more blood -- it's just more fun. At the height of the action, we have a car chase between Davi and Z'Dar, who is on fire during the entire scene. Yes, that's correct -- there is a five minute flaming-car chase in the film's finale. It's amazing, I know. The movie ends wonderfully, with Davi lighting a cigarette with the still-flaming, lobbed-off arm of Cordell. How can you beat that, you ask? Well I'll tell you! You can end with the extremely burned corpses of Cordell and Kate Sullivan holding hands in the morgue. Aww.
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