
"Whatever the 'Dirty Dozen' did, they do it dirtier"
IMDB.com Rating: 6.6 out of 10
Availability: Still in-print and moderately-priced.
Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4M8hnYodIs
OH SHIT! Moment: The Bastards get shot at by a bunch of skinny-dipping, armed German nurses (scroll down a little).
OH SHIT! Moment: The Bastards get shot at by a bunch of skinny-dipping, armed German nurses (scroll down a little).
Beverage: A Suffering Bastard
Ingredients:
- 1 oz bourbon
- 1 oz gin
- 1/4 oz fresh lime juice
- 1 dash Angostura bitters
- 1/2 oz ginger liqueur
- Ginger beer
Method:
Shake the bourbon, gin, lime juice, bitters and ginger liqueur with ice. Strain into a Don Ho glass filled with crushed ice and top with ginger beer. Garnish with a cherry and a slice of both orange and lime.
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We have five allied soldiers, a bunch of topless, gun-shooting nurses (<<< hey, look -- there's one of them now) and one of the most explosive endings ever filmed with miniatures. It'll be worth a watch, at least to see those last two. Tonight's film is the WWII epic, 'The Inglorious Bastards'.
A bunch of topless, armed nurses; but they're Nazi-supporters, so they got that working against them. You know, I tried dating a nurse; but thankfully, I got out of the relationship right before the point of her shooting at me. This was a point in my life where I was dating all kinds of strange women. Nothing lasted, but I've maintained a friendly relationship with some of those girls. They weren't all Satan-incarnate. Some were pretty nice and had their life together. Those girls are probably making someone very happy. Those girls were good peoples. But the rest; not so much. I've since friended those ones on Facebook, pretending to be girls they went to high school with and told them they needed to lose weight if they wanted to be pretty. But let me tell you, those girls were mean.
Hey, punishment fits the crime.
Speaking of punishment, Bo Svenson and Fred "The Hammer" Williamson star as two allied soldiers on-the-run from being court-martialed and put in front of a firing squad. Interestingly enough, but other than the name, an American-sympathizing German and a few cameos, there's actually nothing Quentin Tarantino's 'Inglourious Basterds' have in common with this film; and if you count QT's spelling of the title, there's 33% less similarities. Both movies are great, but I'm only talking about the older one tonight.
Enzo G. Castellari, who's work I previously covered with the 'Bronx Warriors' series, takes on his usual role as Director; and this is probably his best effort. The film begins with a group of soldiers on their way to court-martial and death. In route to their destination, their convoy gets ambushed by Nazis, killing almost everyone but five Bastards. Their goal is to travel to the neutral country, Switzerland. Shortly after, they meet a Nazi-hating German soldier who, also, was facing punishment from his own government. The Bastards then get accidentally recruited for a top-secret mission where they are to assault an armored train which is carrying a large V2 missile. How zany.
Starring in this film is Bo Svenson, best known for playing the lead in 'Walking Tall II' and 'Final Chapter: Walking Tall', Buford Pusser; as well as being in a whole bunch of manly movies like 'Heartbreak Ridge', 'The Delta Force' and a handful of Quentin Tarantino films. Playing the second lead is Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, who's already been in several films I've reviewed. Like many Italian pictures, 'The Inglorious Bastards' was released under different titles; including 'That Damned Armored Train' and the blaxploitation-influenced, 'G.I. Bro' (which is my personal favorite).
On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----15
Redeeming Qualities---17
Rewatchability---------8
Fun/Special Effects----8
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------5
Dialogue/Acting-------6
TOTAL---------------73
Overall Enjoyment ----15
Redeeming Qualities---17
Rewatchability---------8
Fun/Special Effects----8
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------7
Pacing-----------------5
Dialogue/Acting-------6
TOTAL---------------73
And if you've check my math to verify it's correct, you'll notice I'm right and you should've had more faith in my abilities to add. The first 80 minutes are the makings for a solid war movie -- action, killing, drama, entertainment, breasts -- but the final 20 minutes are what really makes this film awesome. It's got lots of killing, a train-heist, a high-speed motorcycle scene, and one of the coolest explosions ever (done completely with miniatures); and if blowing the fucking piss out of miniatures isn't awesome, then what good is living. A world without movies like this -- well, that's the world we'd be living in if the Nazis had one the war. To not like this movie is to like fascism; and to like fascism is to hate America. So which one is it -- do you like this movie or do you hate America?
'Inglorious Bastards'. Watch it. Buy it. Own it. Worth every penny. Best of 1978. 4 stars.
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