5/12 'The Outing'

THE OUTING a.k.a. THE LAMP

"It's this damn museum that gets you those *sigh* Guess Jeans you have to have all the time..."

IMDB.com Rating: 5.1 out of 10

Availability: Still in-print and moderately-priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VEboYIJefo

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9Yn_kbFZWY
OH SHIT! Moment: While kneeling over, a zombie king cobra slithers up some schmucks pants and kills him with a dreaded genital-bite.

Beverage: A Gin Genie

Ingredients:

1. 1/2 ounce Simple Syrup
2. 1 ounce sloe gin
3. 1 ounce gin
4. Crushed ice
5. 1 ounce fresh lemon juice
6. 8 mint leaves
7. Method:
8. In a highball glass, lightly muddle the mint leaves. Add the gin, lemon juice and Simple Syrup and stir well. Add crushed ice and stir again. Top with more crushed ice and the sloe gin.
9. _________________________________________________________________________________
10. I'm your host, and tonight we're going to party like it's 1999. We have the American edit of 'The Lamp'; better known as 'The Outing'. 

And speaking of having a good time, I just started rereading my favorite, How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men, by Adam Quan. I read it for, about, the 12th time, and realized one of the facts of life you get from reading this book -- just because you can date a white woman doesn't mean you should. I've had as much fun dating diverse women. I mean, planning from your childhood a specific type of woman to date? That's ridiculous. And then, I had what the Buddhists call a "universal epiphany", or what I call a "pretty good idea"; if people grow up dreaming about a certain type of woman so much they need a dating manual, surely they'll need a manual when it comes time to end the relationship -- because, let's face it; if you're dating a white woman who turns out to be crazy, -- which will most likely happen -- knowing how to get all of your stuff out of the apartment, terminating anything banking-related and moving to the wilds of Alaska to become a line cook who gets paid in cash isn't the basic knowledge we're born with. How to Live off the Grid will teach you how to become a forgotten footnote in any crazy woman's life. I'll teach you how to live without Facebook and which organs you don't need so you can have them harvested for money.

Anyway, speaking of being unremembered and lost, tonight's movie is the forgotten '80s evil genie movie, 'The Outing'. This stars a whole mess of no-names, including Scott Banskton (who never acted in film again, but did go on to produce two movies -- 'Wieners' and '50 First Dates'), Danny D. Daniels (who played a witch doctor in 'Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls' and whose name I love), and Red Mitchell (who's life and promising career, which included 'JFK' and '8 Seconds', were cut short when his car was hit by a train). 

Three thugs break into an old gypsy woman's house to steal her money. Led by an overly-angry hoosier, they search everywhere for the loot. On a whim, he searches the wall for hidden treasure. Immediately, he finds an ancient lamp. He kills the old broad with a double-sided axe to the cranium while the other two go swimming, because that's a normal action to take while robbing someone. Unfortunately for them, an evil genie, or a Djinn, is asleep in the lamp and awakens. The Djinn possesses the gypsy and, with the axe still embedded in her noggin, grabs our white-trash leader by the neck and slams his face onto the other side of the axe. One of the other hillbilly thugs gets cut in half in the pool by a green, smokey, '80s special-effect; and the last gets strangled to death by an invisible entity. The police come and ship the lamp off to a museum. Finally, we are introduced to our main character, Alex; who's father, Dr. Al, is the the aforementioned museum's curator. An amazing argument between the two begins when Dr. Al tells Alex not to eat junk food. This quickly escalates to the point where Alex says she wishes her father dead. Hmm, there's an evil genie in the room and you wished your father dead. . . Plot point? 

Now's a great time to give away some Spawnie Awards. A Spawnie Awards goes to Dr. Al, who ends the verbal argument with "Let's throw this yuck away and go out to dinner, okay?"

And another Spawnie Award to Dr. Al for the line, "I never said I was the wizard of toast and coffee"; while catching toast on fire and having to stomp it out with his bare feet. 

And a Spawnie to Alex for realizing there's a genie living in the lamp after watching a morning cartoon about genies. 

After all that excitement, 'The Outing' really gets wild. Alex's boyfriend, Ted, picks her up for school. On the way, however, their trip gets sidetracked by a car chase with her angry, jealous, ex-boyfriend, Mike Daley. The police pull Mike over and arrest him; but that won't stop Mike, oh no! An hour later at school, Mike shows up and attacks Alex. A female history teacher beats Mike up with a broom handle, launching him upside down and on his back; and the cops immediately arrest him again. While being handcuffed, he proceeds to call the principal (think Tim Meadows, circa 'Mean Girls') the 'N'-word and in his resolve, he responds back, "Son, do you want to know the meaning of the word, 'black power' (or words); because if you do, I'll wipe the floor with your ugly white ass". Luckily, the ass-kicking history teacher (who, SIDE NOTE: is hooking up with Alex's dad), is also is a genie lamp expert, because why not.

Alex's drawing of the lamp, which looks incredibly like a
phallic symbol. . .

That afternoon, Alex's class goes on a field trip to the museum. She gets possessed by the Djinn and convinces her friends to stay overnight. One-by-one, they all die in brutally awesome ways. As Alex tries to kill the Djinn in the picture's climax, we are given a beautifully-written line; "Die, mother fucker", she yells as she destroys the evil genie. And then comes an incredibly confusing ending involving a Pepsi driver unloading his truck as creepy tones and operatic-singing play out the closing credits.

This is a movie I feel should've aired on MonsterVision, so in honor of that. . .

Drive-In Totals:

6 Breasts

13 Dead bodies

1 Car chase

1 Operatic-singing security guard

Spear through the chest

Possessed, killer zombie king cobras

Snake-bite to the genitals

Inexplicable body ripping

Fingers and throat ripped out by zombie mummy

Gratuitous testosterone

Flying ancient mask-impalement

Flying head-crushing mask-fu

Ceiling fan-fu

Fire extinguisher-fu

4 stars, best of 1987

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----15
Redeeming Qualities---13
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects----7
Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing-----------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------7

TOTAL---------------69

This film is brilliant. 'The Outing' is like the Marc Bulger of bad movies. It's not the champion of schlock; but it had some great moments. It's not something for everyone, but everything for someone; a true gem from the golden age of cheeze-cinema. This is finally available on DVD through Scream Factory. The transfer is pretty good, but it's missing part of the original introduction. This is well-worth a watch. I think with the new distribution of 'The Outing', more viewers will discover this film and appreciate it for the cult classic it should've been. As a lover of the slasher genre, it's a doubly positive to see a movie like this receive a quality DVD release and to know there're still good slashers out there I haven't yet seen. Watch it.