5/20 'Maniac Cop' Trilogy

MANIAC COP

"You always take a leak with a gun in your hand? That's a good way to blow your balls off!"

IMDB.com Rating: 6.0 out of 10

Availability: In-print and moderately-priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW7KqfSToQU

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDy1z47oyiU
OH SHIT! Moment: The defenestration of Tom Atkins.

Beverage: A Crazy

Ingredients:

2 oz Malibu coconut rum
1 - 1 1/2 oz DeKuyper Raspberry Pucker schnapps
1 - 1 1/2 oz melon liqueur
2 oz Mountain Dew
4 - 6 oz pineapple juice

Method:

Combine all ingredients together in a Collins glass filled with ice cubes. Stir well, and serve.

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We have a triple feature tonight with 'The Maniac Cop' trilogy. You remember -- "you have the right to remain silent... Forever". The tagline so nice, they had to use it twice. Welp, let's get right into it.

Officer Matt Cordell is wrongly blacklisted and sent to prison where he gets nearly murdered by the men he arrested. After being pronounced dead, he's sent out in a body bag; only to return to the streets, killing everyone in his way. It's up to Bruce Campbell, who's framed for the maniac cop's murders, and his girlfriend, played by Laurene Landon, to find the Cordell. Fortunately, the detective on the case, Tom Atkins, believes them and the trio are the only thing that stands in the way on the maniac cop's killing spree.

Writer, Larry Cohen, and director, William Lustig, sat down in a diner and hashed out this screenplay. They based it on the cop films which were popular at the time, and added in elements of Lustig's biggest film, 'Maniac'. It's really the first action/slasher ever. 

It's a pretty entertaining film; and like most of William Lustig's movies, the stunts are insanely awesome. In addition, the cast is good, by horror standards. Other than Atkins and Campbell, the film also stars Richard Roundtree ('Shaft'), and the maniac cop, Robert Z'Dar. Between Z'Dar and Campbell, this film has the highest chin-size/actor ratio ever. The legend goes one can only watch 'Maniac Cop' in widescreen just because a few closeups of Z'Dar's chin reach beyond the point of full-screen. 

In honor of Joe Bob Briggs:

We're talking no breasts. (Shame on you Laurene.) 
Fifteen dead bodies.
Neck snapping. 
Teenager through the windshield.

Fresh-cement facial. 
Ear-to-ear throat slitting. 
Eight-story cop dropping.
One motor vehicle chase, with paddy wagon, two crashes, East River-dunking.
Flagpole through the gizzards.
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Tom Atkins, as the detective searchin for the maniac cop, for saying "Look at the size of those hematomas";
Bruce Campbell, as the unhappily married cop who gets blamed for the killings after his wife dies on the night he sneaks out to aardvark with Laurene, for saying "YOU'RE the one that dropped out of therapy"; 
Sheree North, as the crippled lady cop who helps the maniac kill "those that did wrong to you," for screaming "He knows! He Knows! He knows I'm no good to him!";
Robert Z'dar, as bloody razor-faced Officer Jason; 
and Larry Cohen, the writer-producer, who made It's Alive! ("There's only one thing wrong with the Johnson baby--it's alive!"), "Perfect Strangers," "Q," "The Stuff," and "It's Alive Part II," and now does it again with The Fuzz That Won't Go Away. 
Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out. 

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----13
Redeeming Qualities--12
Rewatchability---------6

Fun/Special Effects---5

Directing/Quality------7
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing------------------6
Dialogue/Acting-------7
TOTAL---------------62

MANIAC COP 2

"You can't con Con Edison."

IMDB.com Rating: 5.7 out of 10

Availability: In-print and moderately-priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QDIK6zkSTo

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lImVKwmgrt0

OH SHIT! Moment: Claudia Christine gets handcuffed to the outside of a fast-moving vehicle on a stroll through New York.

Beverage: A Maniac

Ingredients:

• 2 oz Beefeater Gin
• 1 oz Cointreau Orange Liqueur
• 1 oz Kahlua Coffee Liqueur
• Top with Coca-Cola
• 
  

Method:

Pour the first three ingredients into ice-filled Collins glass and gently stir. Add the cola to the top and lightly stir. Garnish with an orange wedge and serve with straws. 

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Next on the docket, 'Maniac Cop 2'. This is a fantastic sequel. It's actually Lustig's favorite film he directed. He made this picture with relatively no budget, and finished with what looked like a well-financed movie. There's so much action, blood, and bullets in every frame, it's damn-near perfect. Alamo Drafthouse has said it's "truly the greatest 1980s horror-action film ever made". I almost have to agree, based on my score.

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----16
Redeeming Qualities--17
Rewatchability---------7

Fun/Special Effects---8

Directing/Quality------10
Plot/Storyline----------8
Pacing------------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------8
TOTAL---------------81

Another thing that adds to the shear awesomeness of the film; a 'Maniac Cop' rap song which closes out the film's end credits. Incredible. But don't take my word; here's the text from the Joe Bob Briggs's "Drive-In Theater" airing of 'Maniac Cop 2':

It's that time of year again. The time when we get the Winnebago down off blocks and drive 140 miles out into the countryside to the Medieval Renaissance Fair where somebody bulldozed a soybean field so we can watch fat girls in flouncy dresses play the lute while we munch on an authentic Weasel-on-a-Stick shishkebob treat. 

You probably have your favorite part of the Renaissance Fair, just like I do. Maybe it's those fabulous strolling minstrels in elf hats, playing mandolins with their elbows and singing songs never before heard outside the public library on "Special Education Storytelling Day." 

Or maybe it's the guys who dress up in wimp armor--you know, it's not the REAL stuff that weighs 940 pounds, it's this Frederick's-of-Hollywood armor that's made out of chicken wire and paper-mache--and they run around with cardboard swords whacking each other over the head while people in Bermuda shorts that drove in from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, holding Fudgsicles in their hand stand around yelling "Knock him on his rear end!" 

Another thing. Remember when you were in elementary school and they forced you to learn how to play the "recorder," that thing that's more complicated than a kazoo but it's not quite a clarinet? And remember how, after you practiced on it for about eight weeks, you invited the parents to the school to hear you make the sound of sixty terrified sewer rats being run over by a steamroller? And remember how, after you got home that night, you said, "Mom, how come the only place anybody plays the recorder is third grade?" And remember how your mom could never answer that question? 

Well, now we have the answer. THERE'S 17,000 PEOPLE PLAYING THE RECORDER AT THE RENAISSANCE FAIR! Not only that, but they still sound like sewer rats being run over by a steamroller. 
Where do these people come from? Are they born this way? Do they grow up saying, "I can't wait till I'm old enough to put on a frilly shirt and some pantaloons and juggle bowling pins while balancing on a beach ball"? Or is it something that happens later in life? They wake up one morning, their brain has been scrambled during the night, and they're thinking, "You know what? I've always wanted to dress up like a deaf-mute beggar and go around pulling on the pants legs of tourists." 

You know what I'm talking about? They hire these people to be scenery. If you were in New York City, you'd see these people and say, "Why can't they get these crackheads off the streets?" But you're out in the country, at the Renaissance Fair, and so you say, "Isn't that cute? A crackhead from the sixteenth century!" 
But, of course, everyone's favorite part of the Medieval Renaissance Fair comes at the end of the day when we all the fat girls link arms and sing the Simon and Garfunkel version of "Scarborough Fair." You know the song that's just a list of herbs and spices? "Parsley, Sage, Strawberries and Wine"--something like that. Or maybe it's "Celery, Beige Berries and Lime." Anyhow, it's this song about stuff you put on food, and when they get to the end of it they're all teary-eyed. 

You know what would be better, though? They should have a few of those guys dressed up in spaghetti-strap fishnet armor take their wicked lances and plunge em right directly into the fat girls' stomachs WHILE they're singing "Scarborough Fair." I think that would be more historically authentic, and it would sure make the singing sound better.

Speaking of people that should be set on fire and dropped off a ten-story building, "Maniac Cop 2" just came out, and I know this is gonna be hard to believe, but it's even BETTER than "Maniac Cop Uno." Remember that one? "You have the right to remain silent . . . forever!" About the cop that got framed and sent to Sing Sing, where twenty guys surrounded him in the shower and carved Indian totem pole designs all over his body and made him REAL mad? Well, he was supposed to be dead at the bottom of the East River with a giant steel girder through his chest. But what you didn't realize is that he SURVIVED that injury, and now he's once again roaming the streets of New York, like Jason-with-a-badge, twisting the necks off innocent people, making the cops look like serial killers--and this time he has FRIENDS. Officer Stir-Fry Face Cordell moves in with the city's most successful killer of topless dancers, a beardo geek played by Leo Rossi, and together these guys are like a couple of goofy cannibals. Cagney and Gacy. 

Of course, nobody believes Cordell is really alive--EXCEPT for Laurene Landon, better known as "Hundra," better known as Christian Brando's girlfriend, who was one of the two cops in the FIRST movie who knew what Cordell was up to, along with her partner, the great Bruce Campbell, of "Evil Dead" fame. I won't tell you what happens to Laurene and Bruce this time, except it involves shrinks and chainsaws. The shrink is played by Claudia Christian--best remembered as the stripper in "The Hidden," although she keeps all her clothes on in this flick--and she's teamed up with the pock-faced Robert Davi, the greatest bad guy working today, who plays a good cop who ACTS like a bad guy, which is the same thing. 

In other words, it's one of those Larry Cohen scripts that's got a whole lot of plot getting in the way of the story, but it's directed by William "Maniac" Lustig, who outdid himself in this flick. There's one high-speed motor vehicle chase scene that might be the best one ever filmed. 

Thirty-one dead bodies.
Eight breasts.
Stiletto through the back.
Shotgun in the face.
Neck-snapping. 
Cop-on-a-meathook.
Two motor vehicle chases, with five crashes.
Three guys set on fire.
Kung Fu. 
Chainsaw Fu. 
Convenience store Fu.
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Laurene Landon, as the cop with a chainsaw, for saying "You can't kill the dead!" and 
"I have no reason to kill him--I LOVE him!";
Robert Davi, as the tough cop, for saying "I shot him before he shot me"; 
the great Charles Napier, as a TV host, for saying "When it comes time for your execution, you can't con Con Edison!";
Leo Rossi, as the sleazoid serial killer, for saying "You're the prettiest one in my collection so far" and 
"You know, I feel like I'm a crusader against the whores of the world"; 
Claudia Christian, as the cop shrink, for saying "Shooting Cordell is only good for getting his attention";
William Lustig, the director, who did his usual excellent job; 
Larry Cohen, the writer, for lines like "There's a piece of Cordell in every cop" and
"There's only that much difference between a cop and a MANIAC cop"; 
and, of course, Robert Z'dar, who does it again, as the Maniac Cop his ownself. 
Four stars. Best of 91. 

And let's not forget, we have a Danny Trejo appearance, too.

MANIAC COP 3: Badge of Silence

"I don't like my staff using this hospital like a goddamn Greek restaurant."

IMDB.com Rating: 4.8 out of 10

Availability: In-print and moderately-priced.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JirurHj37TU

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYCICm4G7oQ

OH SHIT! Moment: "Maniac Cop" Cordell throws a thug across the street and shoots him in midair.

Beverage: A Voodoo

Ingredients:

2 Shots Bacardi 8-year-old

3/4 Shot Martini Rosso

2 1/2 Shot pressed apple juice

1/4 Shot fresh lime juice

1/4 Shot simple syrup

Method:

Dust Collins glass with cinnamon. Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into ice-filled glass.

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Last on the agenda for tonight, the third and final, 'Maniac Cop' film. Not all is good in the world of the Maniac Cop. Lustig returned to direct; but after his version came in under an hour long, the financiers demanded he shoot more. Lustig walked off set and the film was finished by someone else. . . Not a good sign. There's still a whole mess of action and blood.

The maniac cop is back with the aid of voodoo. After the shooting of a New York police officer, Kate Sullivan, leaves her in a coma, and the footage of the shooting gets edited to make her look like the bad guy, zombified Cordell takes it upon himself to exact revenge on those responsible for giving her the negative credit.

Starring in this one, we have Z'Dar and Davi reprising their roles from the previous film. Paul Gleason ('The Breakfast Club', 'Die Hard'), Jackie Earl Haley (Watchmen), Robert Forster ('Alligator', 'Jackie Brown'), and Julie Harris ('Super Fly') round out the rest of the cast.

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----12
Redeeming Qualities--13
Rewatchability---------7
Fun/Special Effects---7
Directing/Quality------5
Plot/Storyline----------6
Pacing------------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------7
TOTAL---------------64

Okay, so, yes, I did rate 'Maniac Cop 3' higher than number 1. The original is a better movie, by far; but I enjoyed this one more. It's got more explosions, more car chases, more blood -- it's just more fun. At the height of the action, we have a car chase between Davi and Z'Dar, who is on fire during the entire scene. Yes, that's correct -- there is a five minute flaming-car chase in the film's finale. It's amazing, I know. The movie ends wonderfully, with Davi lighting a cigarette with the still-flaming, lobbed-off arm of Cordell. How can you beat that, you ask? Well I'll tell you! You can end with the extremely burned corpses of Cordell and Kate Sullivan holding hands in the morgue. Aww.