5/20 Neon Maniacs

NEON MANIACS

"When the world is ruled by violence, and soul of mankind fades; the children's path shall be darkened by the shadows of the neon maniacs."

IMDB.com Rating: 4.3 out of 10

Availability: Out-of-print and expensive

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAFin4c5n1w

Watch Online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEGQdNdWoag
OH SHIT! Moment: A high school battle of the bands turns into a massacre when the titular freakazoid ensemble shows up.

Beverage: A Neon

Ingredients:

1 oz Absolut Citron vodka
1 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 oz lime juice
1 splash pineapple juice

Method:

Shake ingredients with ice and strain into a glass.
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Limbs are going to fly in tonight's movie, 'Neon Maniacs'; and you won't wanna miss this, for the shear reason it's unlike anything you've ever seen before.

I bought this movie on Amazon.com. Have you ever checked Amazon for their used items? You can buy bondage chairs and one-pound bottles of pleasure gel. Additionally, I think it's funny you can buy toilet paper from individual sellers. Somewhere, there's a guy who bought too much toilet paper at Walgreen's and decided it'd make financial sense to re-sell it on the internet. Best yet, it sometimes falls under the "used" section. Now I don't care that much about saving $0.17 on a pack of toilet paper that I'm going to buy it secondhand from some jerk with an Amazon account. People even sell condoms on Amazon. Just out of that relationship and need somewhere to unload your prophylactics? Perfect! You familiar with the internet and have little-to-no self-respect? Alright! Oh, the world wide web. Anyway, when I finish up here, I'm gonna go delete my viewer history.

And speaking of freaks, 'Neon Maniacs'. Basically, we have a Gwar-esque congregation of murderous deformites. This assemblage is a make-up effect-enthusiast's wet dream. Any fan of the genre -- from 'Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter' to 'The Monster Squad' -- will find some kind of enjoyment in this. With 'Neon Maniacs', you get a samurai, a one-eyed lizard with a meat hook (..?), a crossbow-wielding soldier, a caveman troglodyte in underwear, a native American and a biker -- just to name a few. Oh, and did I mention they have a gimp who can shoot lightning from his hands? They're like the murderous, creepoid offspring of Lo Pan and The Village People, with a heavy dose of 'Pink Flamingos'. For incestuous freaks, they're surprisingly stealthy; although they do occasionally leave a gelatinous Mountain Dew substance behind. It's like the predator, but with a creepy, toxic sewer-incest undertone.

They live under the Golden Gate Bridge; which is an interesting choice, because they are deathly allergic to water (an homage to 'Day of the Triffids'). They take to the streets of San Francisco, murdering all they come across. They stop at nothing to murder; because even if their arms get chopped off, their limbs will still come a-crawlin'. Really. The film relies on dream logic at times, without hitting the levels of a 'Phantasm' or Kubrick film.

'Neon Maniacs' features Andrew Divoff in his first acting role. It's also Leilani Sarelle's first film role, who later went on to act in 'Basic Instinct' and 'Days of Thunder'. Jessie Lawrence Ferguson ('Boyz n the Hood', 'Darkman', 'Prince of Darkness') and John Lafayette ('Dr. Dolittle', 'Clear and Present Danger', 'Patriot Games') rounds out the otherwise unrecognizable cast.

On my scale:
Overall Enjoyment ----14
Redeeming Qualities--14
Rewatchability---------5

Fun/Special Effects---7

Directing/Quality------5
Plot/Storyline----------5
Pacing------------------7
Dialogue/Acting-------3
TOTAL---------------60

'Neon Maniacs' has all the allure of an '80s gory slasher. It's fun, cheezy and loaded with lots of goo. That being said, I wouldn't suggest buying it, and instead, recommend opting for the YouTube version; only because I could not justify telling someone to pay $40 or more for this. I found it cheaper; but nevertheless, I am a collector, so I was going to buy it anyway. It's got its moments where the film seems stale or poorly paced, but overall, I enjoyed it. It's a movie which doesn't require a whole lot of thought. It's just a good ol' visceral experience. Watch it. *3* stars.